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Westport Times, Volume III, Issue 598, 25 December 1869, Page 2

"Are the jury agreed?" asked a judge of a court attache whom he met on the stairs with a bucket in his band. " Tis " replied Patrick, " they have agreed to sind out for a half-gallon." A hospital for " women who have become disgusted with their husbands" is to be established in Cleveland.

Talking of politics (Bays "Le Flaneur," in the Melbourne Herald) what a curious effect contesting an election has upon a man. I have a friend who lately stood for some out-of-the-way constituency, and braveiy fought ana won the wordy battle. Before the election I speak of he was mild and inoffensive in manner. Now he is disputatious, intolerant, full of racy anecdotes and stories, and with a reckless propensity to "shout." He is constantly button-holing me at street corners, and cramming me, whether I will or no, with all the local Joe Millerisms which he has picked up on his electioneering campaign. Strange that so lamb-like a man as an individual should be so raging a lion as a politician. An American advertiser, Mr Hembold, the great druggist, commenced with 2,000 dollars eighteen years ago, and now he spends 10,000 dollars a week in advertising alone ; always working on the plan of the more he gets the more he advertises. He has 2,700 papers on his list, and he has paid to several of the leading journals from 1,500 to 3,000 dollars for a single insertion of his great advertisement. The New York Herald he once offered 5,000 dollars for a page, but it was of the issue which announced the fall of Eichmond, and interesting matter then so pressed on Mr Bennett that he was obliged to decline the offer. An Antidote to Tobacco. —M. Armand, a French savant, has stated to the Academy of Sciences that he has discovered a sure antidote to nicotine in the watercress. In destroys the poisonous effects of nicotine, and yet does not alter the aroma of tobacco. A solution of watercress may be employed for steeping the leaves of tobacco, and would thus divest them of their noxious properties. A man in Bhode Island was sent to gaol for ten days for sleeping in church. Nothing was done to the clergyman.

A Boston gentleman has invented a rat trap which kills the animal instantly, throws its body in the air, and sets itself for another victim.

"Well, John," said a minister to one of his hearers, " I hope you hold family worship regularly ?" "Ay sir," answered John, "in the time o'year o't." "In the time o'year o't! What do you mean?" "Te ken, sir, we canna see in winter." " But, John, you should buy candles." "Ay, sir," replied John," but, in that case, I'm afraid the cost might owergang the profit." A Devonshire matron, whose husband snores badly, keeps a clothespeg underneath her pillow, and when his snoring awakes her, she adjusts the peg on his nasal organ, and then slumbers peacefully. A Wife's Temper.—Here is a gentleman's diary of his wife's temper : —Monday—a thick fog; no seeing through it. Tuesday—gloomy and very chilly; unseasonable weather. Wednesday—Frosty, at times sharp. Thursday—Bitter cold in the morning, red sunset, with flying clouds, portending hard weather. Friday—Stern in the morning, with peals of thunder; air clear afterwards. Saturday (payday)— Gleams of sunshine, with partial thaw ; frost again at night. Sunday—A slight south-wester in the morning; clear and pleasant at dinner time ; hurricane earthquake at night. The boarders in a fashionable house were assembled in the public parlor one evening, when a rather antiquated maiden lady, who never seemed to have any employment but admiring her jewelry and dresses, lisped out the remark that she loved a rainy day, and always availed herself of it to arrange her drawers. "So do I," growled out an old sea captain, "I overhaul my drawers and shirts too, sometimes, and sew on a button or a string where it is needed." " I went in to bathe," said a Yankee; " but before I was long in the water I saw a huge, double-jawed shark making rapidly towards me. What was to be done ? When he was within a yard of me, I faced round, dived under the shark, and taking a knife from my pocket, ripped the monster up."—" But did you bathe with your clothes on ?" asked the astonished listener. " Well," answered the storyteller, reproachfully, " well, I do think you needn't be so tarnation particular !" " Before I begin to drink, my business is over for the day," said a tradesman to his friend. " Quite the reverse is the case with me," rejoined the other; " for my business is over for the day when I begin to drink."