LIFE’S LITTLE WANTS.

Wairarapa Daily Times, 25 June 1930, Page 4

LIFE’S LITTLE WANTS.

Endurance. He: “And can you cook like used to?” She: “Yes, if you can stand indigestion like father used to.” *■■■■.* • • Tactless. A Texas preacher was delivering a sermon in a neighbouring church, and mentioned that some people attended church for no better reason than to shoAV off their fine clolthes. He then _ concluded with the tribute: “I am A-ery thankful to observe that

none of you come here for that purpose.” # Schoolboy Wisdom. People go about Venice in Gorgonzolas. A polygon is a man aalio has many

wives. A brunette is a young bear. Ambiguity means haA-ing tAvo wives living at the same time. Doctors say that fatal diseases are the Avorst. A figure of speech is a way of talking or -writing by Ayhicli you saw Avhat you don’t mean, and yet mean what you

say. * m, . A circle is a line which its other end without ending. The Normans introduced the Frugal SA-stem. \ * * « * I Mistaken Identity. YJ The Duke of Connaught’s country 1 scat is at Bagsliot, hard by Aldershot. |j When commanding troops at Aldershot the Duke Avas holding a parade. A young staff officer AA-as unable to locate H.R.H.- ‘ ‘Do you know where the Duke of Connaught is?” he asked a soldier. . “No, sir, I can’t say as I do, but ask my mate over there; he knows ‘pub’ for miles round Aldershot.” * * - * * Not True Scotchmen.

There was a burst of laughter at the recent meeting of the Management Committee of the Canterbury Rugby Union, ' -.A /-vr* J. G. McGilli-. when the secrecy - Away) announced that seA-eral applications had been received from bands to play on the occasion of the second test on July sth at Lancaster Park, including a pipe band. Mr McGillivray said the pipe band was anxious to give its services gratis. “I told them that they Avere not true Scotsmen,’’ he added. i • < • *

Wodeliouse —Screen Celebrity. Mr p. G. Wodehouse left Southampton recently for HollyAA*ood to fulfil a contract Avith the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Company to adapt plays for “talkies.” His agreement is for three months at a record salary of £4OO a Aveek, “but,” said Mr Wodehouse, “the contract includes an option Avhereby I may stay for six or even tAvelA e months. It depends, I suppose, Avhether my efforts are considered to be successful.” * * * • One Class Only. Sir Herbert Walker has been sounding the funeral knell of the first-class passenger, and it may be that he (or she), and those yet higher potentates aalio were above class altogether, are i doomed to vanish. How very far are those days Avlien there were quite a number of people Avho never saw a railway ticket! If they travelled by train servitors took their tickets, inserted them into the carriages reserved. tor them, and pulled them out when the destination was reached. There Avas the story of the utter rout of Lord Carlisle when, as Viceroy of Ireland, he missed his A.D.C., and thought that lie had better try to take a ticket for himself. Being unaccustomed to the process, and asking merely for a ticket, he Avas giA-en a “third.” Something familiar about the appearance of a first-class carriage enabled him to take a seat, unaided, but ho Avas A*ery soon attacked by an official, who, to the passenger’s claims to be “Lord Lieutenant,” replied: “Lord Lieutenant or no Lord Lieutenant, out ye come! I’m tired of-the likes of you riding saft Avith no more than a bit of pink cardboard on ye! ”