LIFE’S LITTLE WANTS.

Wairarapa Daily Times, 30 June 1928, Page 4

LIFE’S LITTLE WANTS.

Washed Up! The sprightly old dame’ walked info the butcher’s shop with a .parcel Under. ,■ her arm. "Good morning, madam// said .the butcher. ’ " Would you mind weighing this parcel for me?” asked the lady sweetly. ” "Certainly! T answered the butcher, putting it on the Seales. "Two pounds _ seven ounces, madam.” "Thanks!” said the woman, icily. - "They are the bones you sent in the”" joint of meat yesterday.” " ” • *. » * How To Do It. ’ f The teacher Avas trying to, demon- w strate a simple experiment in. the generation system. He took up a tin cylinder closed at one end. f w. "What have I in my hand?’-’ ha^-J r asked. V "A tin can,” came the answer in ’ chorus. "Quite true,” went, on the teacher. "Is the can'an animate or an inanimate object?” "Inanimate.” "Exactly. Now can any boy or girl tell me how, with this can, it is possible to generate a surprising amount of speed and poAver almost beyond con- ■ trol?” There Avas a dead silence, until at lust one little boy raised his hand. "Yes, Willie?” The child could hardly, speak in his eagerness. "T-tie it t-to a dog’s tail, sir!” * * * * "Stale Jokes.” "Stale jokes” AA-as the subject of g. humorous reference by Mr H. J. D. Mahon, headmaster of the Auckland, Grammar School, in a speech at the j Old Boys ’ reunion. Mr Mahon said, that j boys Avere the same to-day as in his young , days, and laughed subserviently at the jokes of the masters. On a recent occasion he had set a form to write an essay on ‘ ‘ Stale J okes, ’ ’ and . received as an opening paragraph by one bright youth: "Stale jokes are the Avittieisms permitted to judges, magistrates, schoolmasters and other persons dressed with a little brief authority.” (Laughter.) The remark was reminiscent of Goldsmith: "Full well they laughed and counterfeited glee, at all his jokes, for many a joke had he,” or of Pope: "A gentle dullness ever loA'es a joke.” • • • •

Such a Fright! "The tiger is a Avieked animal; he defends himself when he is attacked.” This is a rather cynical French saying Avhich a Dunedin man, at preesnt here on leave from the Malay States, has declared to be absolutely true (says the Dunedin "Star”). According to him, thfc ferocity of the tiger—that of the Malay tiger, at any rate—is great--I,' exaggerated. It has been the experience of people in those parts that the- only tiger they need fear is the decrepit old A’illain Avho is too sloav to catch game. He related the adventure of a mining employee who one day Avas walking through a railway cutting. About half-way through he met a sprightly tiger ambling along in the opposite direction. Thinking that he Avas uoav prac'tieally "tiger’s meat,” he emitted a yell and began scrambling up one slope of the Cutting. The tiger, equally alarmed, sprang up tho opposite bank. Bpt the cutting was- too steep for both the climbers, and simultaneously they fell down On to tho level again, very nearly giving a good imitation of a fond embrace. After a Avild scramble to regain their feet eaeh continued the Avay he was going—at a gieatly accelerated spepd.

Sidey Time. A motion expressing a wish that Sidey time be continued next was carried at the annual meeting o V the Pukekohe Bowling Club on Satur- 1 day night. Quite a number of the y members of the club are farmers-, but there were only three dissentients. The question was not debated, only member, a schoolmaster, speaking. Ho remarked that as far as all sportsmen engaged in summer sports were concerned, ,§idev time was- a success. Regarding the schools, he stated there were a few eases in which a hardship was imposed, but he expressed the opinion that if a vote was taken in the schools a large majority of the school children would support a continuance of the measure. • * * § Ice Creams. America eats enough ice cream every year to make 20,000,000,000 ice cream cones, according to statistics which have been placed before the International Association of Ice Cream Manufacturers. The United States eats 324,000,000 gallons of ice cream each year. An investment of £90,000,000 is required to produce it. / * * • * 4 Items of Interest. Greater London increases its population at the rate of 75,000 a year. Nearly all the names used for cotton muslin fabric are of Hindu origin. The American public, it is estimated, spends an average of £240,000 a week The coal produced in Britain last for chewing-gum. year was 252,000,000 tons. The quantity over all lhirope, outside Britain,, was 344,000,000 tona , The saloon motor car is now s-o popular that S2 per cent of the cars manufactured in the United States in 1927 were of the closed type. Sussex, in which there are 1274 females to over 1000 males, has the biggest preponderance of females of any country in England and Wales. The largest insect known is the elephant beetle of Venezuela. It sometimes attains a weight of half a pound.