ALLEGED WIT.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume LXV, Issue 11848, 6 December 1913, Page 3

ALLEGED WIT.

She: "Jack, when we are married 1 must have three servants."

He: "You shall have twenty, dear— but not all at the same time." —"Melbourne Weekly Times."

Mrs Newly wed: "I wonder why we are growing tired of each other?" Newly wed: "I haven't any idea." Mrs N: "Yes; maybe that is the reason. '' —Boston Transcript.'' » ♦ * • The Bride: " \. am utterly miserable without you. Bridegroom: "But I've got to go down to the ollice, dear, to make a living." The Bride: "Well, that may be so. But don't you think it \s selfish of you? '' —Sydney Bulletin. * " "* • * "Don you think your wife will be h:i[i;>y when she gets the vote?" " f'm afraid she won't," replied Mr Mi-ekton. "Merely going to the polls and easting a ballot, will be pretty tame compared with organising these great suffrage demonstrations.'' —Washington Star. * * * • The Doctor: "Mrs Brown has sent for me to go and see her boy, and I must go at once.'' His wife: "What is the matter with tho boy?" The Doctor: "1 don't know, but Mrs Brown has a book on ' What to Do Before the Doctor Conies,' and I must hurry up before she does it." * * v - * * xV woman was in a law court when sin- was asked her age, and answered: "Thirty-live." "But," objected the judge, "you were before me two years ago, and you said then that you were thirty-live." "Your Honour," she loftily replied, '' L am not one who would say one thing at on" time and another thing at another time. , ' * • • • Tather: "Now, young man, get your coat off and come with me." Tommy: "You're not going to thrash me. are you. Dad?" Father: "Certainly. Didn't I tell you this morning that I would settle. with you for your bad behaviour?" Tommy: "Yes, but I thought it was only a joke, like when you told the grocer you were going to settle with him."

A student had been bracing of his various accomplishments, until one of the company, losing his patience, said: '' Now, we have heard quite enough of what you can do—just tell us what you can't (io, and I'll undertake to do it myself."' "indeed? Well, I can't pay my bill, and am very glad to find that you can do it," replied the student. Amid the hilarity of the company the guest redeemed his rash promise.

" Whtit do you mean, sir,- ,, said the ni:m in the crowd watching the posting of Federal election returns in .Sydney recently, "by sticking your umbrella in mv eve?"

"Oh, no,' , refilled the cheerful offender, "you're mistaken, I assure you." But this naturally had the, effect of making the anjrry man more so.

'' Mistaken! " he roared. '' Do you mean to say that I don't know when my eye is hurt? Why, han<r it, sir, I .saw you do it! How can I be mistaken?"

'' I assure you that you are, nevertheless," was the <>asy rejoinder. "You may know when your eye is hurt, but you don 't know my umbrella. This isn't mine—l borrowed it."—Sydney Town and Country Journal.