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Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 2, Issue 282, 6 October 1879, Page 3

It is dangerous to ask <1 woman idle questions when she is adding ub a grocery bill. A rich young lady has fallen in love wiili and married a New York street-car driver. From the bridle and the halter he went to the altar and the bridal, and the only train and switch to occupy his mind hereafter are those belonging his wife. • She takes him for wheel or whoa, as it were. A young lady in the East ate half a wedding cake, and then tried to dream of her future husband. .Now she says she would rather die than marry the man she saw in her dream. A lecturer on chemistry lately discoursed in this fashion "To illustrate how elements that are perfectly harmless in themselves may become destructive by combination, take the case of a gun and a small boy. What can be more harmless than each of these when alone by itself, or what can be more dangerous when in combination? Those newspaper editors who are too obstinate to retract any unjust or improper language which they have admitted to theircoiumns should profit by the example of an editor who gives notice as follows; "If any subscriber finds a line in his paper that he does not like and cannot agree with, if he will bring his paper to the office and point out the offending line, the editor will take his scissors and cut it out for him." jAn affected young lady, seatedin a rock-ing-chair, residing the bible, exclaimed — "Mother, here is a grammatical error in the Bible!" Her mother, lowered her spectacles, and approaching the reader in a very scrutinising attitude, said—" Kill it! kill it ! It is the very tiling that has eaten the leaves and the book-marks j"

A youth in this city was sent home hy his mother with a basket of clean clothes that she had washed for a customer, The boy met a clog that dicVt appear to have anything to do, so lie set clown his load and with a string tied it to the dog's tail, then started him with a pin. The hoy was half an hour gathering up the spoiled things, but his mother wasn't any time at all getting him over her knee and starting a pair of blisters. Parliamentary motto for the winterOil, let us be jawful. A countryman going down to town with a load of pork was met by a young girl, who genteely made him a curtsey. He exclaimed—" What! do you make a curtsey to dead hogs'!" "No, sir," replied she, " to the live one."

"Bob, where's the State of Matrimony f "It is bounded by hugging and kissing on one side, and babies on the one side, and babies on the other. Its chief productions are population, broomsticks, and staying out late o' nights. The climate is sultry till you pass the tropic of housekeeping, when squally weather commonly sets in with such power as to keep all hands as cool as cucumbers. For the principal road leading to this interesting State, consult the first pair of blue eyes you run against. When an ill-natured fellow was trying to pick a quarrel with a peaceable man, the latter said, " I never had a fuss except with one man. He was buried at 4 o'clock-it is now half-past 3. A classical man out in Yenice, Illinois, lias christened his cat " Othello, the Mewer of Yenice."

Customer (in quest of a particular sort of cigar): "Arethose these I"Dealer (affably): ".Yes, sir, these are those." Sir Boyle Roche, in accounting for the prosperity of the Dublin fishmongers, said that they went down to Ringsend when the boat came in, bought the fish for half nothing, and sold them for twice as much," Denis asked Paddy to come and have some dinner with him of beef and potatoes. " That I will, and its rather odd it should be exactly the same dinner I had at home for myself, barring the beef.