VARIIETIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 2, Issue 87, 18 February 1879, Page 2

VARIIETIES.

Tremendous swells-Balloons. . Women are generally sharp; but they cannot hold a candle to a can of kerosene with safety. If there is anything in tho world that wili make a mule laugh it is to see a man with a glass eye trying to wink it a jiretty girl. . What tells one not to hit a man wlion ho is down Honor. And what warns ono not to hit him when he isn't down ? Discretion. "I say, Paddy, that is the worst looking you drive I ever saw. Why don't yon fatten him up t" " Fat him up, is it ? Faix tho poor brute can hardly carry tho littlo mate that's on' him now." replied Paddy. "Yes, fellow citizens," said a wild Western oarator, " with, gold at par, greenbacks at a premium, tho tax taken off raw whiskey, our debts all paid, and Liberty—dear old gal! has a new dress, and the American eaglo an additional arrow and a fresh olivo branch, I ask what is to prevent us from being tho greatest people on earth ! I pause for a reply." Just at this point a mellow old egg exploded right on the bridge .of his nose, and ho added, "Thepause will continue until I ran bust the stuffin' out o' the lop-eared leper that slung that e Whoope! let mo at him." A story is sent to me (writePßVtlas, 1 in the World) about the late Curator of the Edinburgh -Botanical' Gardens. When Dubufe's celebrated ' paintings of Adam and Eve were no exhibition, Mr M'M was taken to see them, and was asked for his opinion. "I think no great things of the painter," said the great gardener. . "Why, man, Eve's temptin 1 Adam wl' a pippin of a variety that wasna known until aboot twinty' years ago!" As genuine a bit of criticism as that of tho farmer who told George Morland that he had never seen eight littlo pigs feeding without'one of them ' having his feet in the trough. Morland altered the picture. " Beggars can't be'choosers," says an old adage. We take notice that a beggar - got into the hallway the other day, and chose from the hat-rack forthwith three hats, one umbrella, and our best sealskin overcoat. This knocks the Vawdust out' of that adage.' " :i '• •' The .WAIRAItAPA DAILY cau he read In WEL. LINGTON at tho Athenaium, the Empire Hotel. Bar. rett's.Hotel, the.Queen's Hotel,- the New Zealander Hotel, the Occidental Hotel, tho Royal Hotel.'and MrlV. freton'j Dliilni; Rooms, Lambton Quay, ,