BRIEF MENTION

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume XX, 1 March 1920, Page 4

BRIEF MENTION

INTELLIGENCE AND HUMOUR*

J. O'Sullivan defeated W. Peck fin a wood-chopping' contest at Wan. gan,ui for £lOO aside.

During 1919 there were 5-247 es» tates certified' for sjamip duty in New Zealand, the aggregate pet value being £12,888,774. The amusement tax i.i 191819 returned £40,290, but in the, nine months of the 1919-20 year it has provided £43,700, An Otaki dairyman’s milk cheque for last month toftalled! over £4OO. This was the yie.d. of 100 to 120 ccws. ,

Aunt Nelly: ‘Welt. Bobby dear, did you see Father Christmas this time? ” Bobby: “No, atm tie; it was too dark to see him. but I heard what he said •when he knocked his tee against the bedlppsjU''

“Whatever are you doing' on toe toipi of the tree, Mike? Doivf you see that it’s being cu|t down?” Mike: Yes, your honour; the las; time ye had a tree cut. down |i;t fell on the topi of me, and, tegwra, I'll be safe this time.

“That man called: me a liar, r cad, a scoundrel, and_a, puppy, Would ycu advise me to fight?’ “By all means! There’s nothing nobler in this world than fighting for (the truth!" ; ' I i Uncle Garge: ’Ave yer got any good seats inside? Box Office Clerk : We’ve goit a few stall® vacant sir. Uncle George: Now. look ’ere, young feller; I may be oopi frat’ country, but I ain’t, no bloomin’ hess! THE RETORT UNEXPECTED. Tommy had! broken one of theschool rules, and. the teacher told him to tell his m|other abouf it. and also! about the punishment he had received. She hoped mother light thrash him. again. The next manning she asked: "Well,, Tommy, did you, telj yom mother of your bad! behaviour yea- . terday, and howi I punished you?” “Yes. miss,” replied Tohihiy, quickly, , ; I ‘Well, what did' your mother say?" was teacher’s next question. “Said she’d wring your neck if you did it again,’ replied Tommy calmly. OBLIGING HIM. “Drive like the. dickens I” sboutied Smith, spiiinging into a taxi. With a lurch, the car darted forward, and away they went like lightning through the gathering fog; Crash! They took off the wheel of a passing waggon. They missed flattening ou,t a small child by two|-niiitjis of a hair. Clang! ■They upset a milk cart. People shouted' and constables; '.held up l their hands as the taxi dashed up: one street and down another, jfaking corners on two wheels'and threatening' every lampl with destruction. At last, after half an hour’® furious racing; they slowed upi in a narrow thoroughfare, and: Smith poked his head; out of the f windc,w. “Are we nearly there?” he asked, breathlessly. The chauffeur turned in his seat and shouted:— “Where did you want to go, sir?”