BRIEF MENTION.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume XVI, Issue 148, 20 April 1914, Page 4

BRIEF MENTION.

INTELLIGENCE AND HUMOUR. 'feu persons are on an average run over and killed in the streets of London every week. Silk is so cheap in Madagascar that clothing made of it is worn fey even the poorest people. "Doi you assimilate your l'pod, aunty?" "No., I don't, sir. I buys it open and honest, sir." The Post and Telegraph Department inteuds to, install at Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch the Murray multiplex. .Willie: "Pa, what's political knavery?" Father: "What the other side's doing, my son." John Winters, a fireman on the steamer Putiki, has been missing from Wanjjanui for a week. Enthusiast, at musicalc: "We shall hear more of this young man." Suifcrer: "Not to-night, I hope." A fire broke out on the steamer Wairoa at the Nelson wharf, and the vessel damage, to the extent of about £3OU. Mother, reprovingly: "When I was young girls never thought of doing the things they do to-day." Daughter: "'That's why they didn't do them."'

The 1 'bull is not dead. "A Heal Celt." writes to the Times.: "If the new Irish Parliament were to jnoe.t in Belfast it would never meet at all."

The Government have accepted an ofl'cr to purchase 44- acres of land near Masterton for rural workers' homes. \

"Do, any of the good things you hope for come to pass?" 'They all come to pass, hut they come and pass so doggoued swift 1 can't grab 'em.'' For the four days of the Easter holidays the Christcliurch tramway receipts totalled £2731. Hand Parent):" !Do you think 1 ought to have my daughter's voice cultivated?" Abscntl-minded Visij tot": 'I should think you ought to have something done for it." ;Of the seven daughters of the la to Duke of Abcrcorn, one married a duke, one a, marquis, and five became the wives of earls.

Rebecca: 'I don't pelieve you lofc me. You never link of anything but to liars." Silverstein (appealinglyi): 'Vould you vant a man dot vas all der time chanching his mindt?" A 13-year-lold girl who travelled 7QO miles by train to, her home in San Francisco- was followed all the way by a pet pigeon. Police Witness: "Yes, your Worship, the prisoner is a most suspicious character." Accused: "It's him that's suspicious. I'm not suspicious O'' anybody." He-: "Darling, why are you so sad?" She (gulping down a sola): "Oh, dearest, I was just thinking this will be our last evening together until to-morrow night!" John Eddy, a farmer, of Middletown, New York, sneezed more than a thousand times during a railway trip after taking his lirst pinch of snuff.

Gussie, a-gcd four, accompanied her mother to the butcher's shop. "When she saw the sawdust-covered floor Nhe exclaimed,: "Oh, mamma, what a lot of dolls itliis butcher has broken!"

"It took three kingdoms once to make a good glove," says the 'Outfitter'—"Spain to prepare the leather, France toi cut it out, and England to sew it together." When they struck the desert, the Irishman looked for a spell at the dry and arid prospect. Then he said: "Mister, I don't want to say anything unpleasant about this country, but it looks to me like It would take nine acres of it to rust wan nail."

Separate compartmeuts or stalls for each toe is the latest Parisian style for stockings. It is said these prevent those corns which are caused by the nibbing of the skin against the next toe.. "Holy mackerel I" roared Crabshaw up the dumb-waiter shaft, "wliy da you play that one record over and over again without a. change?" "Because," Pennypincher angrily shouted down, "I hate the darn thing, and I want to wear it out, so I can throiw it away." The postmen in Portugal save themselves much walking on Sundays by delivering letters at church. A gramophone concealed in a tree served for wedding bells at Oswestry, England, the church bells being under repair,

The clerk of the court addressed the j|ury t : ".'Well, gentlemen of the •jury, have yoiu agreed upon aj verdict? 'What say you—do you find th© prisoner at the bar guilty or not guilty o£ Wio crime?" "We do." "Yoiu do—do what?" 'We find' the prisoner at the bar guilty or not guilty." "But, gentlemen, you must explain." "You see, six of us finds him guilty, and six finds him not guilty." Sir Predk. Bunbury scored the first bull of th© present session o,f the House of Commons. When cussing th,e, Scottish Education Bill; he said 1 j "They have got into a hole, and you ask us- to help them .over; the, stile." The Rev. Br Clifford, preaching at Lamborne Park Chapel (London) on a recent Sunday, said,: "I understand ithafc you have only one Welsh saint. Well, there'll soon be another; it will be Saint Lloyd George. 11 would canonise him right away." | officially, estimated that the I accumulated funds of the world's trade Unions stand at more than £20,1 000,000, oif which £8,000,000 is credited, tot British unions, I We lead in the Cake and Pastry line*—"W. Barford.... During a violent storm a shower of white butterflies fell 4n Bornay, Switzerland, th* streets being covjered to a depth jrf 2iru Far Children;* , . l *§fetef- Oifugh t*t night* >?^Jpwiiw

ES. 'A Maori iwlio owns a mptor-cyclo took his machine to a Gisborne garage a. few days ago and addressed the mechanic in Ino fnlbwii.g terms.--"Hey mister this bike no go too fat-t: you give me another horse-power fur him!" It is notable (says the Bruce Herald:) that the Postmaster-Genend opened two brand new post ollicv.s last week in Otago. It is equally note-worthy that this Department is so poverty-stricken that it has never been able to afford to putty up 'the. windows of the Milton Ppst UlliCv, whicli were injured by a fire two years ago. A new industry, which gives pr.jmisc of taking an important place in the district, is at present in course of development, the production of a species ol' leather used in the manufacture of tobacco pbuches, purses, hand-bags, and similar goods (says the Hawke's Bay Herald). This leather is obtained from the rumens {first skraijaehj of sheep slaught, ered At the freezing works. A particularly distressing misfortune bei'el a one-year-old child of an Allenton resideut (says the Ashburton Guardian.). The youngster was playing in the garden and tampered with a hive of bees. The insects oajnc out ami attacked the child, stinging it about all parts of its body ami limits. The mother, with the help of neighbours, pulled out a lai'g:' number of the stings, but the services of a medical man had to be re- ■ truisitioned to allay the infant's sul'I ferings.

Two inmates of a Scotch asylum, working in the garden, decided upon an attempt of escape. U'a telling their opportunities when their keeper was absent, they approached the wa,Q. "Xoo, bend doon, Sandy," said the. one, "an' then I'll gie a hand up, taie." Sandy accordingly ben; down. Tain, mounting his back, gained the top of the wall, '■ and, dropping over the other side, shouted, as lie prepared to make oil': "I'm thinking, Sandy, you'll Ik: better tae bide anither fortnight, for your mo near richt yet." A boy had a painful experienc; while walking near the- Patea river the other day. He was passing a hive of wild bees, when he suddenly felt, a, sting behind the ear. Little was thought of the occurrence- at the time, but after about half 'an hour the little fellow was seized with sickness, and pains in the head and body, an eruption shortly afterwards breaking out all over his body. The services of a doctor were requisitioned, who did what he could lor the little sufferer. It is thought that the. bees must have been feeding on the ilower of some poisonous plant, and transmitted some of the poison to the boy in the sting. " A teacher asked her class in spelling to state the difference between the words "results" and consequences. A bright girl replied,: "Itesults are what you expect, ami consequences U're what you get." A powerful and ferocious-looking do>g attracted considerable attention at the Ashburton railway station a:he was tied up> to a post waiting transit to Christchurch. On enquiries being made the animal turned out to ho one of the sledge-dog* which went to the Antarctic with Captain Scott's last expedition, ana which a few months ago was presented to Air A. R. C. Ivilian, ol Mount iSomers, by one of the Terra Nova's officers. The dog had been completely out of his clement and had to be kept on the chain, while it would worry any other animal, which came near it. The animal which is itti cross between a Siberian dog and a wolf, was to be consigned to Christchurch to bo. killed, and then handed over to a taxidermist..

Vice is the stupidest thing in the world. Why do you think it g> alluring? You .must think so, for you protest against having anyone know anything about it The one way to keep away from it is (to kn,ow all about it, to realise just what It is, and what it is not and never can be. Pull down the dirty curtains there in front of the opium den. down (the heavy door that shuts out the- daylight, throw opeji the, dark Minds—and what is thej'c ten sea? Dirt, disorder, dismal loneliness trying to pretend to hfi g,ay. Elderly women trying to look young, miserable young (Women trying 'to look happy, sodde ( n men trying t:> look sober. The lure of vioei? "Why, it isn't vice, that allures—it is the mystery wo make of it that 'does .'the mischkif I— Winifred ißlack.

A West Coast paper thus describes the arrest of John Crisp, the defaulting Palmerston South solicitor. On Thursday last iai dark, well-dressed man, sft lQin high, hearing all the appearance of a comfortably-circum-stanced QMidiaiy-maikoir? arrived in Hoikitika, and >put up at Keller's Hotel. He gave his name as "J. Dominie." At the invitation of one or two members of the Hokitika Golf Club "J. Dominie" visited tho Mahinapiia Links on Good Friday, and everybody who, met him, was charmed wtyh him. The lu^ s were also visited on Saturday and Easier Sunday, and "J. Dominie," although not an expert golfer, got in some fairly effective shots. Judge of the surprise of Jris newfound friends when yesterday morning's paper announced that shortly after midnight a sen' actional Jarrest- had been effected in Bevell street, and John Crisp alias Dominie l was in custody. A LETTER FROM AUSTRALIA. "One of 'my boarders is very bad wiG*' a chest camplainij; I Shave given him your address and recommended Mm to write for a bottlef of your Lung Fneserver, but in case he does not: <io so, I bxa. sending -for > bottle uiyslejf. I have never tried it, but I have heard my friends eay ihaw good Baxter's Lung Preserver is." Thus writes a boarding-housei-keeper from Wastelm Australia. Baxter's Lung is not advertised in that oitajitry/so its repuliation for goortwtf*, is spreading. Is WW per hot4(f 4t'; or chemists, or by iJtf''dlfcM* from J. .Baxter and Co., _ - <