Round The World With A Camera

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 83, Issue 56, 8 March 1939, Page 5

Round The World With A Camera

HUMOUR

HUMOUR

Tricky Returning from his work on the night f-hift a Scottish miner found a young owl which had fallen nut nf its nest He took it home, gave it. food, then wrapped it up in a piece of old flannel end placed it beside the fire before going to bed. Some time later, his mother «*ame into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the family. When she saw the visitor she gave a gasp. * ’ Eh. me!’’ she exclaimed. ‘‘Here’? nor Jock's been at his tricks again' Hr's been and put a beak on the cat!”

Don’t you understand, Elsie, if w< aren't going to buy anything, we max as well lo'k at the dearest things’’’

Tact A m:tn iK'ti- 'd a woman whom he disliked coming up his front steps. Taking refuge in his study he left his wife to entertain the caller. Half an bom- jatcr he emerged from his retreat, listened <arefullv on rhe landing and, hearing nothing below, called down tn his wife: ‘Has that horrible old bore gone ?'’ The objectionable woman was 3*ill in the drawing-room, but his wife was equal tn the occasion. ” Yrs, dear.’’ she called back, “she went long ago. Mrs Darker is here

■■ r’i:i; - , ° - e been following that tiger’s trail lor over an hour!’’

Only a Rumour! A Negro boy was taking a stro'..’ • through a cemetery and reading the inscriptions on the tombstones He came to one which declared: " Not dead, but sleeping. After conte:nplai ing the phrase fqr a moment, and scratching his head, the Negro exclaimed: “He sure ain’t foolin’ no one body but hisself/’

' Her ;>ller=. •..•gotten some thing! ♦

Proof A housemaid had gone to the pictures on her night ofi. and afterwards she allowed a strange man to see her home. 'That’s a very ri.-ky thing to do,-’ her mistress warned her. 'But he was quite all right." the girl insisted. "Why. he was i n the eighteenpennv seats.*’

' I think this collar is about vour size. Sir’’’

Alternative "(Jan you direct me to a post office?’’ asked the motorist in a small village. ‘‘Aye,” replied the villager. “Ye go straight on for two miles, then turn to the right oxer bridge and on a wee bit and right again.” Then waving his hand toward a group of houses just, opposite, ho said, ‘'Ah’ there’s one there as well!”

•1 The squire had served his country al .a soldier through two wars, and now, as an A.R.P. volunteer, he determined to drill his staff and tenants and so prevent panic in the event of an air raid. He built, a large bomb proof and each person was told what, to dev (’ailing the gardener, he gave him a whist le. “This,” be told him, “is very loud. Yon must, blow it as soon ns a bomb drops to warn the others.” ”Beg pardon, sir,” the old chap said, hut do I blow it going up nr coming down ?’ ’

“This is where wc get off! “ “We can’t; the twn gentleme® haven’t finished reading the paper!”

There was a railway cutting beside a football ground. It was one of those matches where the referee was far too easy. Foul aftet foul; the game degenerated. All were fed up. Th one parti<‘ularlv flagrant foul, a. train in the cutting let forth a blast on its whistle. A fan shouted to the ref.: "Lummy, ref, even Hip blinkin’ engine-driver saw that, one! “

He saw it. done at the pictures! ”

Mrs Brown was in high feather. Mr Brown had just presented her with the usual Christmas cheque. “That’s jolly,” said Mary, Mrs Brown’s eldest daughter. “Just think of the presents we can buy.” “And how do you propose to spend the money?” asked her mother. “I’d buy you a fur coat, and we caa get a motor-cycle for Tommy. Then I can have that lovely fur I saw the other day, and we can book a box for the pantomine. Sister Clare must have that new dress, and Cook that chubby umbrella we saw last week, and—er—er—let me sec—l. know there’s something else. Oh, yes, of course, we’ve forgotten Daddv's pipe cleaners. ”

Flight, from home.

“Well, dear,” wrote the fnnd mother to her son who had joined the Arm", “I hope you have been punctual in rising every morning so that you haven’t kept the battalion waiting breakfast fo?

“Hurry up, the fire's just about it'. ”

“Young Rose Hawkins is goin* about sayin’ you’re in love with her, Harry,” said George. “Is that right!” “Don’t take no notice of ’er,” replied Harry. “I may have given ’er a clip over the ear a few times, but that’! all there is in it. ”