HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 80, Issue 78, 2 April 1938, Page 5

HUMOUR

Guarantee Parker asked his tobacconist to lend Um five pounds, and promised to pay b.u k at the end of six months. Not f ishing to offend a good customer by refusing, the tobacconist decided tu grant the request. ‘‘By tjc way,” he said, before handing o- w the money, "what guarantee 'inn you give me that you will be in a position to pay me back at the end of [six mourns?'’ I "That'll be easy,” said Parker. "I’m I' giving up smoking during that period.” Artfill ( "What I want,” said the man to th® dog dealer, “is a restless, fidgety sort hi' a dog.” "What kind?” replied the astonished dealer. I "A fidgety kind of a dog; one that will make my wife keep saying: 'Willi in m, 1 think that dog wants taking nut fur a run.’ ”

"And thank you for the cigars, oh, yes, they’re here in front of me! ’’

Far From Home ‘‘What are you smelling my fish for?” demanded the fishmonger of tha customer. "I'm not smelling him,” replied the customer. "I’m only talking to him and asking him what news from sea.” "And what does he say?” "He says he doesn’t know—ho hasn’t been !'ie* n I’.•, rnk«. ”

"And please gi.e me cn ii gi.; ii I duplicate as Dad always plays with my toys. ’ ’

A boy entered a chemist 'a shop and said: "I want three pennyworth of ipacacuanha. ” The chemist tied up the package and the boy said: “Dad wants you to charge it to his account.” "AU right; what’s your name?” "Shermerhorn.” "Take it for nothing,” said the chem- • i.-t: "I Tn not going to spell ipecacuanha and Shermerhorn for threepence.”

‘'Do you think you can do something for this car?” “Yes, 1 could unscrew the numbet

and put another car Io it.” "Well, Billy,” said the hostess at the children’s Christinas party, "you appear to be in deep thought.” “Yes,” replied Billy. "Mummy told me something to say if you should ask me to have some more cake or ice-cream or anything—and I've forgotten what it was! ''

The captain’s country-house.

More Howlers A Cypriot is a kind of fruit resemoling a peach. Pcevers is the general name for those people who are always complaining. An altercation is what happens when you get married in church. Pharmaceutical means relating to agriculture. Quintets are comforters for five babies.