HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 80, Issue 78, 2 April 1938, Page 5

HUMOUR

Substitute A naughty boy was sent by his mother into the garden to cut a switch with which his mother said she would punish him. When he returned ’ i sr.id: “I can’t find a switch, mother, hut here’a a stone you can throw at me.” <s<s><€>«s Laggird it Lo~i A voung man walk** - ! thernrrnrunj into the village post-office. “Any letters for me to-day J” hi asked the postmistress. "No, Henry,” she replied, rather ■harply. "That’s strange.” he murmured, ba’.' to himself. •’Nothing strange about that, young man,” replied the postmistress. “You haven’t answered her last letter vet.’’ K ,

•*I beg your pardon but was it you who ordered a bath to measurement?” l r

. Silenced * A pompous old man was having a house built, and during its erection insisted on attending regularly and criticizing the workmen. Ono morning, noticing a bricklayer halving bricks with his trowel, he said; "Surely, my man. in these modern days that is a very primitive way of putting bricks?” "Why—no,” the man replied. w there’s a much more primitive way of. floin ’ it.” I “Really? And what is. that? ’* \ "Bitin’ ’em, mister.”

*’ "Do you know you’ve parked your car without the lights being on?”

The Man: "Whether marriage is a failure or not, I certainly think some are more fortunate than others in what they get.” His Wife: "I quite agree. For instance, you got me but I got only you.”

"AU right, I agree to your coming here on the first of January!”

Relief A woman rushed excitedly to a house in a Yorkshire town. She knocked once ▼ery nervously, but there was no reply. A second knock produced no answer Presently the window above was thrown open and a woman’s face appeared. The woman below looked up and ex•burned, hurriedly; "Mrs Otis, your husband’s got a month’s imprisonment.” "Oh, dear me, Mrs Blunt,” replied the other, “ ’ow you did frighten me! 1 thought it was the man after the rent Bgain.”

The announcer: 4 And now I’ve pleasure in introducing you to the fatuous professor Brown who will talk to you on ’How I strive against nervous Bes«! ”

A Tragedy A small girl suddenly burst out crying at dinner. "Why, Betty,” said her mother. ••What’s the matter?” **Oh,” sobbed Betty, "my teeth trod Ui my tongue!”