VANITY FAIR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 80, Issue 78, 2 April 1938, Page 3

VANITY FAIR

THE POSSESSIVE LOVE WHICH BEGETS HATRED

Old Dame Nature is re’entless and cruel, but wise, she kaows that after a certain age children should be left to fend for them selves; states u psychologist. That's why young animals and birds are never pampered—unlike humans. If children have a duty to their parents, the parents have a duty to their children, and that is to let them lead their own lives as soon as they are in their late teens.

This is a challenging statement, but I am making it because it’s a thing every mother should know. It’s not wise, it’s not natural, it’s not kind to keep a son or daughter tied to your apron strings. It’s never too soon to start inculcating a spirit of independence in a child.

It's never too soon to realise the evils of domination.

By domination I don’t mean harshness and cruelty, but the other extreme—intense, cloying affection. This is often but an extension of the mothers own ego. We all know the type of mother insists upon sharing the pleasures of her grown-up children; who gushes brightly, “We always do everything together; Mary and Johnny and I are devoted to one another. I think it’s so much better than letting them run about with anyone and everyone. You never know whom they might meet ...” In nine cases out of ten, the children o£ such a mother hate her—consciously or subconsciously—and would do anything to get away. Unfortunately they lack the strenght of mind to do so. It is not affection that makes a mother speak and behave thus, but merely egotism. She craves power, and the only way she can exercise it is by dominating her children. So many women fear that their children will fall into bad hands. But isn’t that fear a reflection on their own methods of child upbringing? Surely, the natural inclinations of a sensibly brought-up child are it's own best safeguard. In any case, the majority of young people respond to reasonable treatment. Constant supervision, curiosity and interference on the mother’s part, however amiable, may be tolerated, but underneath the surface are the seeds of resentment. Believe it or not, there are women of my acquaintance, in this year of grace 1937, over thirty years old, who are still compelled to show all their correspondence to their mothers! There are men of the same age who have to explain all their movements, practically ask permission if they want to take out a girl, and, crowning humiliation, account for every penny of the money they earn! I don’t deny that all this is done willingly, because both mothers and children* genuinely believe in a strong mutual affection. But it is in the ~.ibconscious that the trouble lies. You can see the results of this maternal domination everywhere. If a man or woman is denied liberty and gaiety in youth the bright lights assume an exaggerated importance in later life. That’s why we often have the ludicrous, but painful, spectacle of people in the forties, fifties, and even sixties comporting themselves without dignity in night clubs. That’s why so many of thtm su'llimate their repressed desires in religious mania and other emotional channels. , There are always plenty of people whose lives have been ruined by this possessive love. Start your child on the right road now. Remember, moderation in ah things. Remember, too, that there is a happy medium between letting a child “run wild’’ and dominating. Keep these rules and you’ll retain your child’s lasting affection and respect, besides ensuring that he (or she) leads a normal, happy life.