QUIPS

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 20013, 2 December 1927, Page 3

QUIPS

“On Xifibtcr f&oob . < QUESTIONS • “Jack Point’’ has collected a few questions which, he would like | his to aiun* a- if pDss-b.e gr I The reader submitting t?-e best rst F 'of answers to the questions below * I wL'.l receive a PN. ior 2s 6d. a»; answers must lie m by Wednesday, December 7, 1927. Address answers to “Jack Point’’ c/o “ CinOmcie ” Wanganui. Mark your envelopes. “Questions. ’ ’ 1. “Who killed Cock Robin?’’ 2. What distance up the river is the : bank?” ' 3. “ How many swallows does it take to make one Froth Blower.” 4. Is it a fact that sardines grow in tins?” 5. “What is the width of a river?” 6. ‘ ‘ How closfe is near beer? ’' 7. “How far up is high?” 8. “What is the length of a piece of , string?” i 9. “What is the present position of the waist-line?” 10. “What is Adamant?” ANSWERS TO “WHAT DID HE SAY?” ‘•N.H.” (Wang-anui).—“All right, Maria. I'll get up.” This answer, although not corI reel, is. I consider the nearest sent in. A Postal Note for 2/6 has been forwarded to ' this competitor. “Jack Point.” “Butter-fat” (Wanganui).—"AU right, dear, I am getting up now.” This answer is the i next best, very little separating it from first place. I have decided, owing to this answer being so close, to award a consolation prize of 1/-. “Jack Point.” “C.M.” (Upper Tutaenui). —"All right, I'm i not dead yet.” -Mac B.” (Makirikiri).—"All right, I’m r not dead.” j "Pansy” (Wangaehu).—“All right thank you, I can manage now.” “Footfall” (Patea). —“Ohl Where am I.” “E.T.” (Wanganui).—"All right, you might have let a man die in peace.” “T.E.” (Wanganui).—"All right, you needn’t make such a fuss about it.” “D. 1. (Wanganui).—“All right, I'm Jake now.” i “1.T.” (Wanganui).—“All right. Where are ; the others?” “Rosebud.” (Wangaehu).—“All right dig“D.M.” (Opaku).—"All right, digger.” What he did Say. “All right, m’dear. I’ll get up!” ANSWERS TO READERS : "I. McN.”—You say that you’ve noticed | the parson encourages rice at the weddings I over which he officiates. Perhaps he keeps ■ fowls. "J.P." "K.J.”—Tell your fiancee what your salary 1 is. It is stupid to ignore the practical side of matrimony. “J.P.” “P.H.”—Your intentions may be excellent. It is not your duty to correct your neighbour’s children. Mothers resent it, and unpleasantness follows. “J.P.” “B.R.”—You assert that “flesh silk stockings are immoral.” They certainly cover a multitude of shins. “J.P.” “J.B.”—You say you know a radio enthusiast who has twenty-five different loud speakers. That’s nothing; look how many Solomon had. “J.P.” “F.G.”—Cultivate a pleasant manner, that redeems a plain face. To go through life rebelling against your lacfc of good looks will make matters worse; your expression will ■ deflect your inward discontent. “J.P.” “J.S.”—No. I haven’t any objection to having my fortune told, especially if it’s told to hurry up. “J.P.” F.D.”—You believe that it is best to always go straight. Not if you are a pedestrian. “J.P.” "T.T.”—You ask me what would I think of a girl who failed to keep an appointment? Untrystworthy. “J.P.” “C.C.”—lf you do not know which way to turn, go straight ahead. "JJP.” "G.H.”—You say that for years you have been haunted by a half-forgotten refrain. You must have murdered it some time or other. "R.J.”—You would like to know, why dogs howl at music? Because they have the courage of their convictions. “J.P.” “W.P.”—lf a man is always boasting to you about his honesty, ask him what he does with the books that he borrows. “J.P.” “L.M.” —In most eases a woman’s profile is more beautiful seen from the left. “J.P.” “J.W.”—You say you tried to kiss a girl the other night, and now she won’t speak to you. Evidently she has no liking for failures. “J.P.” “U.S.”—Yes! There is such a thing as luck, haven’t you noticed how the other fellow seems to get it all the time? “J.P.” “D..T.”—You say that you looked around, and she laughed. Send me your photo. I >en k e to form an opinion why. BHYMISMS. “May I read your Palm Olivet” “Not on your Life Buoy-” • “Then I am out of Lux! ” MARY'S CAB. “Mary, Mary, quite contrary, “How doos your new car go?” “It’s a perfect dream and will run like steam — The salesman told xne so.” “AWFUL.” A lady told her hubby she felt inclined To give him a “piece of her mind;” He then laughingly to her spoke, And said it would be a joke If such a thing she’d chance to find. Bigamy is its own reward. One damp thing after another. Beach-nuts are this week out of fashion. Curiosity does not always kill cats; some of them thrive on it. A lot of people have had a simply I dripping time this week. I ’Tis better to have loved and lost’ ithan merely to have loved.

. . Eg “Sack point” Something “Jack Point” would like to see —a bouncing baby boy who does. Ever with us. The poor and the downpour. Am MP. told “Jack Point” that ho thinks of nothing during his summer holidays. The trouble with the modern holiday spirit is that too much of it is petrol. “Summer Outings” runs a news heading. Most of us are wondering when it is to have an innings. When a man was run down he used to take a tonic.—Now he takes an ambulance. “Jack Point” overheard an old lady exclaim to her friend, “ ’ain’t wo ’arin’ trying wearnerf” “Jack Point” wishes it would try a little harder. Can anybody decode the following? “Comf. bd —res., nr. sea & stin., ev. conv., lib., tab., hly, res., vac. Dee., bth. i1.&.C.., tms. mod. “Jack Point” knows a man who gets up at half-past five every morning to dip his bathing costume in the wash jng. The fellow who shakes hands with you with a rock-crusher grip probably isn't that glad to see you. A contemporary states that a swallow recently landed exhausted on the deck I <>f an Atlantic liner. Perhaps this was the one that was endeavouring to reach Wanganui and make our summer. Many a husband’s favourite fiction 's mystery stories. He tells them to h®r constantly. Lives that used to hang by a thread, now hang by an aspirin tablet. “I am glad I am not your wife,” writes an enthusiastic admirer of this column. “Jack Point” hastens to thank the lady for wishing him good fortune in this unique fashion. If all lived as wisely as the doctors advice, the doctors would starve to death. “Jack Point” read in a newspaper the other day about a man who asked, “If a man owes £lO income tax and only pays £4 . ” Well that easy. Six months’ hard. A writer says that he has noticed the majority of pretty girls at the beach this year are decided blondes. He omits, however, to say nW long ago they decided. A well-known, doctor says that motoring is a splendid tonic.—“ Jack Point” is acquainted with one car which would dispense with the shaking before taking. A dejected youth remarked to “Jack Point,” after reading his late uncle’s will, that he had been left out whilst the others had been left tin. A doctor remarked to “Jack Point” that too many people believe that apples keep the doctor away. Evidently martyrs to the cores’ Motor accidents often happen through the failure of the kunt holding the wheel. Too many women expect their husbands to bring home the bacon and fry it. A writer in a newspaper says, “One man’s meat is another man’s, poison. Yes! and your telephone is another man’s wrong number. An art master declares, ‘’Among my pupils, I find the women are the most apt, to say the least.” But “Jack Point” has always thought women were apt to say the most. Under the law a man is presumed innocent until he is proved guilty. Some are guilty after they are proved innocent. “Jack Point” would hate to wear anything that had to be pulled up as I often as stockings or down as often as skirts. Fools rush,in where wise men fear to wed. • ‘ Jack Point’ ’ believes that the merobers of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a woman to open or shut her mouth and &'et away with it A correspondent in a newspaper declares that greyhounds would race after a bun in the same way as they do after a hare. Of course, it would have to be a current one. It is said that in many American homes the first quarrel is caused by the young husband complaining to his wife that she can’t make stuff like his mother used to distil. When a fireman was being married recently a fire alarm was given. “Jack Point” heard that the cowardly fellow dashed from the altar and plunged headlong into the thick of the flames. “The modern girl is not fast,” declares a novelist. Of course not, she often takes twenty-five years to reach twenty-one. An overseas contemporary announces the fact that an English brewer intends crossing to America in an aeroplane. This would be the first fatlantic flight. According to a writer, presence of mind is the most important thing m I serious accidents. Personally, “Jack Point” prefers absence of body. A doctor says, “It is unhealthy to lick the gummed side of a stamp.” It is, of course, merely ridiculous to lick the other side. The neurologist says optimists Uve longer than pessimists. They might if they didn’t have such sublime faith in loose brakes. The way some people brag about their ancestors cue would suppose that they invented them.