IN WHITEHALL

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 19988, 3 November 1927, Page 3

IN WHITEHALL

HUMOUR OF CIVIL SERVICE FUN IN OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE. A happy hunting ground for those in search of ‘humour in the Civil service is certainly among the lower o* junior grades, writes Lieut-Col. John. Atkinson, D. 5.0., 0.8. E., in “John o’ London’s Weekly.” That of the higher ranks is, with one or two exceptions, too stately and dignified; it is the humour of the Athenaeum and; the Episcopal Bench. The great middle-class of the service, on the other hand, is too serious and too respectable to countenance any such quality, anri when it does exist it is of the heavy variety. Fortunately, however, there is little fruitful ground to be found amongst those who qrowd the lower rungs of the promotion ladder, and iu whom the love of laughter ‘has not been quenched by age, dignity, and respectability. Official Correspondquce. One cannot but smile at the way in which some of the humbler members of the profession try in their reports to follow what they consider is the correct style of official correspondence. Here are a few examples irom the Pyst Office:— With reference to Mr Brown’s accident, I was opening bundles of letters and also Mr Brown when he cut his hand. I am now wearing a pair of trousers which, I am told, is a breach of your rules. I beg to that in accordance with Bule 12, 1 met with an accident on Friday last. A fruitful source of humour are the reasons for late arrival at the office, extending from the usual “Train late*’ to the official who gave as his excuse that “the tram. 1 came in was so full that I ‘had,’ to walk. ’ ’ A good story in this connection comes from the Custom Excise Department. The hero was a happy youthful officer of that service whose weight ran somewhere about eight stone, and who had been ordered to remove from one town to another a distance of twenty miles. A day was allowed him for the journey, but it was more than a week before ho turned up at his new office. “Where have you been all this time?” not unnaturally inquired his chief. “You’ve taken eight days to come twenty miles! ” “ Sir, ’ ’ replied the delinquent, looking down at his own expansive girth, ‘ ‘ you forget that great bodies move slowly. ” Learnt His Lesson. The written explanations of the junior staff for faults of omission or commission do much to enlighten the gloom of some of our ujull offices. A telegraph messenger-boy, asked to give a written explanation of the delay in deliverng a telegram wrote: “Sir, I went straight there and back and will not let it occur again. ’ ’ On another occasion a lady complained to the G.P.O. of the bad language used by two Post Office employees working on a pole outside her house. The written explanation furnished by the workmen shows the moderate and restrained language used; by Civil Servants even under intense provocation. The explanation was as follows: — Sir, —Harry was working on the top of the pole and by accident he let some of the hot lead run -down my neck. T looked up and said, “You really must be more careful, Harry.” But for brevity I bke best the story of the postman who was called upon to explain a whole crop of irregularities coming under many and varied headings. With a stroke of real genius he bracketed? all the questions together aud wrote against them the one comprehensive word, “Drunk.” In Unknown Britain. Of stories of the girl typist there are many, but space forbids giving more than one. In this case, the young lady official hail been guilty'of addressing a letter to Newport, Mon., as Newport Monday. In due course it came back through the Dead Litter Office, and on being interrogated somewhat sarcastically by her chief as to whether she had ever heard of such a place as Newport Monday, she replied: “No, Sir, but I’ve heard of Sheffield Wednesday. ’ ’ The early days of the Ministry of Pensions witnessed) the receipt of some very quaint letters from soldiers’ relatives. Here are a few examples:— My husband has gone away to the mind sweepers. In accordance with instructions I have given birth to a daughter on the Ist April. In answer to your letter I have given birth to twins. Hoping this will be satisfactory. My son was bom and brought up in

this house in answer to your letter. You have changed my little boy into a little girl. Will it make any difference? The stories in connection with the G.P.O. arc legion, but perhaps the best of all is where a lady complained of the continued carelessness of the postal authorities. “For instance,” she wrote, “my husband has had to go to Manchester on business, but when I got a letter from him this morning it bore the Blackpool postmark.” Didm’t Trust “Uncle,” The following letter received at the Centre! Money Order Office is scarcely a tesLimonial to Uncle Jacob. “You will note.” writes a correspondent, “that I have appointed the Controller to receive the money on my behalf. In case he cannot dto this for me, I appoint my Uncle Jacob for the business, but I prefer the Controller.” When a woman depositor in the Savings Bank marries it is necessary that she should acquaint the Controller in order to have her name altered in the official records. One lady did this tn the following manner: “I am married and wish to carry on as before. ’ ’ Andi lastly comes the story of the old lady who was written to by the Old Age Pension Officer with regard to her claim to pension and who replied as follows: “I am very sorry I made such a mistake in my first letter, forgetting my maiden name which was Brown. 1 was bom in 1847 or 1848. I was very much worried at the time.”