THE LUST FOR OPERATION IN EXTREMIS.

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume XLIX, Issue 12458, 21 March 1905, Page 2

THE LUST FOR OPERATION IN EXTREMIS.

(By E. Carrington)

"We were the first to publish Dr. "Hatherly's paper on "The Lust for Op--sration," read before tlio Nenv Zealand Medical Association last year. Since then th© 'revelations of the Auckland Commission have afforded a striking commentary on the doctor's papal. We have just received tho following highly a musing skit, which we -think our readers will bo grateful to -*is for repiMxlucing it:—« No. one is sui© what may happen to Trim th«s3 days, whether he is in robust Hiealth or lingerling illness; walking about in tlig''mom, by even on tho opjeratirig table, stretched out, with three doctors flourishing carving knives in, the air, and the fourth ~ gietting his gases' and syringes into order. ; I firmly JbeLieve that doctors: cut you open for two reasons; the first reason is because '..they must live, and the second, because, 3'ike the borough, council who are always digging up the streets, they want to -sco what is inside. If they find anyunusual to justify their curiosity, you generally die, and if, aa they all along, there is nothing the matter, they sew you up again, and, with the add of a good constitution, you j^ecover, and at the end of a f e<w -weeks siro none the worse, while they them.selves are much better off financially. Of course, in! their struggj© to live, it js the doctor's desira thkt you should live too, but as for going into: .your with all the organs oompi'ete, which nature started you off with, why, ihe thing is rapidly becoming imposisible. ■ .'.;•. '' ■■ .•■.■' ': '~ ■/. .' '■ ■ : '~ "What did1 your husband die. of " .aasked the clergyman's wife of the old -woman. - "If you please, ma/ani, he died a natural dea£h, for we had iio timo ifco send for the doctor," wad the reply. Nobody dies a natural death, and everybody sooner or later undergoes ail operation.: In fact, the latest ■theory is that if you only lived long enough, say, to one hundred and fifty ..years,' you must die oii cancer. With 4;hafe pleasaint prospect to cheer your old age, and the recollections of sundry operations on your nose and throat, &b-----.-JsoLutely indispensable to modem onildSiood, with appendicitis looming large In your middle age, life, it will bo seen, :is full ©f 'Operative (possibilities. Luckily, you can insure' against most things in these enlightened days. Tho old idea ■that aH illness and! suffering was a chas--iisemen.'ti £temt •to us for srn and evil -iiving seems quite exploded. We are all .•getting injured against .* appendicitis, not so much beeausa wear.a afraid of

-! sigefcting it, but because we feel quit© ', isure that' sooner or later our doctors operate for, it upon us. .Old-fash-' ioned people cannot; understand these "imaginary and new-fangled diseases, but v: --qa-11 the same, appieaid'icitis— <yr at any ..rate the operation—is a very r«ial men-.---stee, and Upon which-we ana all inolin- : -fid to get f netful -and moody, it in fact driven «' Few:,to;th>o asylmnv The • : -other day; 'at Ohi-istiohurch a * man faint- :; -sed at^meetijig of. Singl« Takers'; life ■ ''' *^ canned-out, and somebody undid •' {]~Ms collafryand iooifaned - lids shirt, and ■ ,-*h«n fell outj a placard: "3>on,'t operate :■:'■'cJtox appendicitis, it has-been doneV al/.araidy. J' - ■•'■•.■•;..-•■,"■.;;"■; •■/^•';;.-: -'/•'.■ -~. Then, tfiersr is ttetrApperidicitis -Club 5 ;iii Auckland, but whether the member- ■ /.cs'hip ia limited to those whib have had > : it3i6 operation, or -to those who have not, •'; J do nob know; if the latter, it must • JbQ yeiry exclusive. . Biit ti*a day may <;)'J*c6md when even app; endiciitis will pall - -aapon ue.: We can imagine the greatest ■v/iiying surgeon in New Zealand walking ; Xjabout : .'-;.'3x£s operating room oommuaiing :o .^Jhus WithY himself: ."There.: was a time | ;^3Hihpri I>ijtnacla a large; inoanns: by : surgi!: i^ezy,1 ytltien I look fit my books to-day -d[f'ixmi: 3iaa*dly beldfev^,- the 1 figpvea T.,seerrr-. |; • I am-nab making a psxmy, surg-il;'-4ery is defa^a^ a means ol gaiining a livey lihood,'it is yeara si^ce we had a fash- :_ aonabte_;disejgse.. The. T^roiible;is we have ; we ;;hav,ej killact. the goldif^n goosi&\" The doojvop^^an^iji walks i^l'il^ebcffi "ifi?n.es; •' he HM { ,i^^i^W\:' ■ -•::'i^Sm|nt~ sulfeon'-^^thl^l^d^^ur^ ;.,>^esy,':'given., to piscple'^who cftlt'-a^..GOTj.! ;i/-/^rnn%nt,,offices; voin^ V:' The iyoung medico beiit>ver the .table- ■ .^aaid isaid, "I have invented a new di^-j . v.^ease." An undertaker receiving a yisit f rom a gentleman who ordest'ed a pair of >iJ«yeddinig troiiSers would "iilofc have been. : :•'■•.isriore • astonished than ■ tho emdiient -oiie t^at thisiannounoement..r i^qjatinuin'g,. T>r. said: "You,, isai',^ iia 'your -.long■ >; -jarid suoeessful caiieeirmusst' have hofcioed / iihat "gma<t demand which exists ; ■ >amongst women for .a new and ./originial^ ; '•■• -«dasease, I have,remarked the silenco'at ■ tea tables and-'..at the tennis courts i»of New Plymouth;, and Wanganuij ow- , ■v..'.in ! g.;"tiq.'th«i -want of ia fashionable aiL;..nient as a topic of conversation. I look V^-^spon disease as a fashion, with sudi, .«aie does not supply a want, one creates ; it. .1 have created a neAV diseaee, which

Msrill be very expensive, and wM .only . -^attack those who possess -motor cars; It will bo named' motoritis, and there. ; will be two varieties of it—pleuromotor..:itis for thtoss who possess several ca^rs, sand motoritis vulgaris for those who <cmly ride or go about in, motor 'buses ••or tram oars." "Of course,'' saidtl)r. -•Jones; "I shall cure this disease by a -mostly operation, ranging' , from one ■thousand .to one hundred guineas." ""Good, very good," said tJie eminent -acme; "a very -proper' .seal©; it is right r&hat 'the disease should be within tlie

i.range of all persons who are reasonably --solvent; but where do you 'operateV . Y'l propose;" said Dr. Jones, "that we . go into'partnership; you shall perform ■the _ ■operation and' I shall administer Ahe anaesthetic, iand when the pntiont 33 unconscious, you then enveltope ■■his ibody with bandages. These must not. ■on. any account whatever be disturbed.

■::ior twenty days, death will result should Tfchey ba touched within that period; but ■when they are removed; o'ving Lo my jaew improved antiseptic '■ treatment;,' at will be impossiblo to discover tlie actual %3>lace whiena you have- xised tte Kiiifo." The mobile features1 of New Zealand's _^greate£iii surgeon assumed tho orthodox ■^expression of a doctor "who has rei-oued si hopeless patient from the jaivs of -daath.