TRUE STORIES FROM THE SCHOOL.

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume XXXVI, Issue 11433, 14 January 1892, Page 1

TRUE STORIES FROM THE SCHOOL.

'• Many queer sayings, says a teacher, come to my mind as (he result of an experience in the school-room. To my own I will add some told me by my fellow-teachers : — Mary was a girl with a scarcity of ideas, but a little stock of quotations, which she lUßged in on every possible occasion. When asked to write a composition on' " The Seasons," she triumphantly produced the following : " There are four seasons — spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Some like summer and some like winter, but as foi me, give me liberty or give me death." Mattie, after studying history for a year, wrote, " One of the principal causes of the • Revolution was the 'Stand Sack" (Stamp ■*. Act). Another historical genius, some inglorious Macaulay or' Gibbon, was asked to name two provisions of the Ordinance of 1787. His answer was, " Flour and bacon." A little Indian girl said to her teacher : "We have 'not prayed for the poor." Her teacher replied, " Well, you pray for them." The little girl then said, " O Lord, bless the poor, and make them fat if you can !" Scene : grammar Class. Dialogue between teacher arid Johnnie. - L Teacher. •• What is the future of 'he drinks' ?" , . Johnnie. "He is drunk" '.?Sspjj^:_ : Little Belle was full of excitement one Monday morning. " Oh, teacher," she said, " we're going to have a Sunday-school picnic, and the fare is real low, so everybody can go : idiots forty cents, and children haft price. Won't you go?" . ''iy'* ,-$?;?? The elementary physiology class ' was always ah interesting one, the pupils nx&de so many queer statements, as " If anj^pddy comes info the house with wet fest, h$ should take them off as soon as possible" ; and ■ the following hygienic maxim,*, I.'1 .' Icewater should not be eaten at meai-tlmeL" To the question, " What organ of the body warns the lungs of the presence Of bad air ?" a bey gave the delightfully lnconse.qufent answer, "Bronchitis." /^i^M; ' A little girl in the primary school was asked to tell the' difference between the words " foot" and " feet." She said, "One /- --feet is a foot, and ' a whole lot of foots is a >*>*• . . - ■ ■•• ..4, C 'One day the children were having an "" object lesson oil the blue heron. ' Tho teacher . called attention to its small tail, saying, " The bird has no tail to speat.qL" The next day she asked the scholars"' to write' a' description of the bird, and a little German girl wound up by saying: "The blue heron has a tail, but it must not be talked about." '".- A teacher in Massachusetts was speaking of the difficulty of defining some very common words. " Now there's the verb 'to be.' ' What does it mean when I say ' I am 1 ?" ' Maggie's hand was waved frantically around, and her whole body seemed tobenn the threes of a mighty and startling thought. " Well, Maffiie, what does it mean ?" "It means — it means that when anybody says as how y' ain't, an' thin y'are." ,A most amusing set of answers is given in one. of the English journals as the result of ofecinl examinations in physiology in the London schools. The' answers are on file at the Kclucational Head-quarters. one of the questions is, " What is the process of digestion ?" A' girl gives the following original nnd enigmatical reply: "Food' is digested by the action of the lungs. Digestion is brought on by the lungs having something the matter with them. The food then passes through your windpipe to the pores, and thus passes off your body by evaporation." Another question reads: "Why do we cook our food ?" A fifth : gr?.de girl evolves the answer : " Their of five ways of cooking potatoes. We should dip if we eat our food v roar." Another genius informs us : " The function of food is to do its proper work in the body. Its proper work is to well masticate the food ; and it goes through without dropping instead of being pushed through by the skin." Still another says : " Food is digested when we put it into our mouths, our teeth chews it, and our tongue rolls it down Tour body. We should not eat so much bone-making food as flesh-forming and warmth-giving food ; for if we did, we would have too many bones and that would make us look funny." But one of the most bewildering- statements is this: "Sugar is a amyloid ; if you was to eat much sugar and. nothing else, you would not live, be- . cause sugar has not got no carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen. Potatoes .is another amyloids." .••• .;-. I will close ttesc chronicles 'with a gem which is an exact copy of the original, which is in my possession : ... ' ' "BENEDICT ARNALD '^i. was a general in the america army he sen under general Washington and was a success ... . as a commander until the time of his goinj. " to Ph'Uadelphe there he became a quainteo with miss maggy shephard the daughtci of Edward shephard wlio was a tory the influince of his wife over him cause hinvto ■ be Luk warm to the america cause after his marriage general Washington point him as commander at west point after geting possision of that command he comneced to lay his plands to deliver up his hole command to the British fore a sertain sum of money, money was his god and to get a naugh of it he wood sacrifise his country after he betrnde his trust he we£t on boad an English ship .and after the america war was over and the British defeated he went to England and there died a Treater." ! Some time ago it was customary for professionals to get into any theatre free by using the words " Two pros." or " Three pros.," according to the number going in. Two sturdy sons of the Emerald Isle chanced to hear the words used, and made iip their minds to do likewise; so the next night they walked boldly in, arrayed in their best, but, forgetting the words, pronoiinred them " Two crows." " Well," M»ys the manager, " the soonei .you fly but of .this the better."

SANDEE & SONS' EUCALPPTI EXTEACT :— Under the distinguished patronage of his Majesty the king of Italy, as per communication made by the Minister for Foreign affairs through the Counsel- General for Italy, at Melbourne 11th March, 1870. Awarded Diploma at the Amsterdam Exhibition 1883. Acknowledged by Medical Clinics and Universities all over the Globe.

There' are mitations of Eucalypti Extract in the market, products of simple disatillation, forming crude resinous, oils. In order that these crude oils may not be taken for our Pure Volatile Eucalypti Extract, which is recognised by the medical division of the Prussian Government to be of perfectly pure origin, as per imformation forwarded to us through the Consul at Melbourne, 2nd March 1878, we state : —

It is proved by tests made by the Mcdi cal Clinics of the Universities at Bonn at Greifswald (Prussia), and reported by Dr Shulz, Professor of Pharmacology, J. Bonn, and Professor Dr Moiler. Direc tor of the Medical Clinic at Greifswald, that only products that are saturated with oxygen and freed of acids, resinous anp other substances, adherent to primary distillation, will develop the sanative qualities proper to the plant. All crude oils or 80-called Eucalypti Extract are to be classed according to the same authorities among the turpentines which are of insignificant medical value, and abandoned long since as an internamedicament. These crude oils, or so-called Eucalypti Extracts, are descernible — 1. By their deficiency in pungent odour, (which our product, the only genuine Eucalypti Extract, develops most freely through its surplus of oxygen). 2. By tkeir alcoholic, thin and morbid appearance being reduced in special density through the presence of acids. By their taste, the result of the contracting tendency of resins and tanats. If these crude oils, or se-called Eucalypti extracts are applied by mistake in case cases of croup, bronchitis, diptheria, internal croup, bronchitis, diptheria, nternal inflammations, dysentry, &c, the consequences are most appalling For safety sake ask always for Sander and Sons' Eucalypti extract. — Sandhurst Victoria, Australia— SANDEK & SONS