VARIETIES.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume 2, Issue 74, 14 May 1873, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Voices op the Night.—Babies’. Whaling Grounds.—Schoolhouses A“Bus” Conductoe.—The misletoe. A Sealed Peoposal.—The engagement hiss.

A “Trying” ISituation.—A seaton the bench. Breach oe Good Manners. —For ruin to stare you in the face. A critic, speaking of a very tall actor, said, “ By Jove, he’s tall enough to act in two parts !” Hardup says the report of a debut always reminds him of his account at the bank, because it is generally overdrawn.

Walking and Going. —A gentleman meeting a friend who was wastiing away with consumption, exclaimeed, “Ah, my dear fellow, how slow you walk!”—“Yes, replied the consumptiv “I walk slow 7 , but I’m going fast.”

Personal Experience Better than Book Learning. —Governess: “Well, and so they export wheat and cotjon. Now, you’ve seen wheat in the ear, but not cotton!” Pupil O, yes, I have! Grandpa,you know!” —Punch.

Relapse. —Squire ; “Why, Pat, what are you doing, slanding by the wall of the publichouse ? I thought you were a teetotaller !” Pat: “Yes, yer honnor. I’m just listenin’ to them impenitent boys drinking inside.” Guile. —Old Lady: “ You know the' Royal Oak ?’ Well, you turn to right, past the ‘ Joly Garedners,’ till you ■come 10 the‘Red Lion’ ” Artful Cabby : “O, don’t tell me the ouses, mum! Name some of the churches, and then 1 shall know were I am!” [Asks and gets an exorbitant fare without a murmur.] —Punch.

A Large room in the accountant’s office at the East India House was divided into boxes or compartments, in each of which six clerks were accustomed to sit, of whome Lamb once was one. They were called “ Com pounds,” and the meaning of the word being asked one day, Lamb exit as ‘ A collection of simples.”

IjirOKTAKT.— Settlers and Visitors from the country when paying a visit to Wellington, and requiring drapery—Men’s, Youths’, and Boys’, Clothing—it must be a matter of great importance for them to learn where, as cash purchasers, they can depend on receiving the best value for their money. It. is an established fact that JAMES SMITH, Te Aro House, Cuba Street, offers his customers advantages to be met with in no other house in Wellington. Ist. His stock is imported direct from the manufacturers of the highest reputation in the home market—a guarantee of its quality. 2nd. It is bought for cash—a natural element of cheapness. 3rd. Every article in slock is marked at a fixed price tor ready money, so that experienced and unexperienced buyers are alike faithfully served. These arc great advantages, and well worthy the consideration of the public, and we beg to direct attention to the advertisement, of his large, varied, and carefully selected stock which will be found on the first page of this paper.