JUST NONSENSE.

Waipa Post, Volume 45, Issue 3213, 6 August 1932, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST NONSENSE.

A LITTLE LAUGHTER NOW AND THENHEADY! " Why didn't you keep to the white lines? '' a magistrate asked a motorist who was charged with being responsible for a collision at a dangerous corner. " Well, to be quite candid," replied the motorist, " 1 suppose it was because I didn't keep to the light wines." *** * ■ * HARD TIMES. Little Boy (in grocer's shop): Please, can yer give me an empty box? Grocer (to assistant): John, let this lad have the cash box. * * * * * ALL IN. Friend (to Scot): There's no %se worrying because you lost a shilling on a horse. Scot: It isna' only masel'. There were six of us in it. * * * * * NATURALLY. Bobby: Did you hear what happened at the cinema last night? Dolly. No! What was it? Bobby: The whole audience got up and walked out. Dolly: What ever for? Bobby: Because the show was over. ***** BOTE? IN THE FINAL. The man in the jeweller's shop had purchased one or two small articles when he glanced at a row of large silver cups displayed on the counter. " Those, sir," said the jeweller, "are the cups to be awarded as prizes at the sports on Saturday." " Well," said the customer, grabbing one and making for the door,. " suppose you race me for this one." ***** THE BOOKED SEAT. Johnny had done those things that he ought not to have done, and, being wise in his generation, had placed a book in the seat of his trousers before proceeding to the front of the class for punishment. " Now," said his teacher, " you and I are going to a performance together." " Yes, sir," said Johnny, " and I have booked my seat." ***** CHEAPER. Sandy (to draper): How much are your collars? Draper: Two for 2s 3d. Sandy: How much for one? Draper: Eighteenpence. Sandy: Then I'll take the second one. ***** A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOCK. Maid: The master's locked up for the night ma'am. Mistress: Oh, I didn't hear him return from the dinner. Maid: He hasn't, ma'am, they've just telephoned from the police station. ***** CLEVER. Teacher: And so we find that heat expands things, and cold contracts them. Now, can anyone give me an example of this? Bright Pupil: Yes, ma'am. The days are longer in the summer and shorter in the winter. ***** TOO REAL. First Girl: Doesn't Albert paint beautifully, he has just had his latest painting, "A Basket of Fruit," in the show. It looks real. , Second Girl: I know. • I went to see it on the third day after it was shown, and I heard one of the audience say it was rotten. ***** AN ADDED BURDEN. Wifey had insisted on taking innumerable frocks with her, and they arrived at the station loaded with baggage. "I wish," said the husband, thoughtfully, "that we had brought the piano with us." "You needn't try to be sarcastic,"" came the frigid reply, " it's not a bit funny." "I'm not trying to be funny," explained the husband sadly. "I left the tickets on it, that's all."

***** SAFETY FIRST INSTINCT. A hotel manager, coming through the corridor, saw the " boots " kneeling on the floor cleaning a pair of boots outside a bedroom door. " Haven't I told you that you are not to clean boots in the corridor, but to take them down stairs? " " Yes, sir," replied the "boots." " Then why are you doing it ? " " Because the man in this room is a Scotsman, sir. and he's hanging on to the laces." ***** THE CAUSE. Vera: Oh. Dick, have you spoken to father yet? Dick: No, dear, I'm limping because I slipped on a banana peel. ***** MR MOON. " Clara, what are vou doing out there." " Looking at the moon." "Then tell the moon to get on his motor-cvcle and go home. You must go to bed." * * * * * THE MIRACLE EXPLAINED: A Scotsman with a dozen.friends, was dining l in a fashionable hotel. The waiter came up wth the hill "Bring it here!" called tie Scotsman in a lond tone. " T' l ! psv for it." Next mo7TPn<r the following headI line anneared in a local newspaper: | " Scotsman strangles ventriloquist."