KEEP TO THE LEFT.

Waipa Post, Volume XXIV, Issue 1449, 12 January 1924, Page 7

KEEP TO THE LEFT.

ABOUT THE MAN WflO (FRIED.

WHAT HAPPENED TO JONES

A man named Jones, who had set himself, with great determination, to observe the new by-law of "keep to the left," had an unfortunate experience in Auckland one day last week. It appears that Jones started along Queen Street at lunch hour. For a hundred yards he met with no opposition in his commendable attempt, but after that the troubles came fast, and culminated in the complete dissipation of Jones's morale, but not—and to his eternal honour be it said—until he "had reached the Wellesley Street corner, which was his objective.

At the end of the first hundred yards —so far as can be gathered from the brave but shaken man's incoherencies—Jones met a party of three young men who were swinging along ,on the wrong side of the crowded street. He stood and waited for them to break round him, but the one opposite him—a young gentleman of imposing physical proportions—is stated to have shouldered him quite roughly. In fact, he cannoned Iheavily into a plate glass window in consequence of the shove.

Gasping for breath, Jones (who is diminutive and courteous) remarked "Excuse me, but the new by-law says, 'Keep to the left.' " "B-r-r," said the young man, and the other young men looked back and all laughed at the discomfiture of Jones.

But that law-abiding citizen was nothing daunted, and he continued his march of resolve. He had not taken three steps when he met another flagrant breach of the rules in the shape of a bewhiskered countryman in for the Christmas shopping. He was a man of much width, but although Jones had suffered in his previous encounter, he faced up to him gamely. "Excuse me," he said, "but the new by-law says 'Keep to the left.' " The countryman stopped and the bearded face was bent towards the far-away Jones. "Eh!" came from the depths of the beard.

Jones, with.great courtesy, repeated his observation.

It is suspected that the fearsomeness of the countryman was ail on the exterior, and that he was really a coward at heart. He glanced very suspiciously at Jones and got out of the way precipitately. Elated at his success, Jones walked at least five paces more without serious interruption. Then he met an ,old lady. She was a very old lady, arid very frail with it. If it had not been that he was hemmed in by the hurrying crowds, it is thought possible that Jones would have stretched a point in this case. But the conditions would not permit, and Jones became resolute once more with the knowledge. The old lady's face was bent, and she did not see Jones until she was brought to a standstill by the presence of his person. Then she looked up at him quite piteously.

With the studied clarity of utterance, Jones told her about the new by-law.

Unfortunately the old lady was deaf, and in the end Jones had to shout out his information, using both hands as a trumpet. But still the old lady did not hear, and Jones, noting the faces that were turned inquiringly at his 'declamations, decided fatefully to push the old lady gently to her lawful place. But the good soul evidently thought him possessed of designs on her handbag, and, clutching the article resolutely, she began to struggle with Jones, uttering never a sound, but showing surprising strength for one so old. Then the crowd took a hand in the events. Cries ,of "Thief! Robber! Murder!" startled the air. There was a surge about Jones, and the old lady made away. His path was clear. Stirred by the commotion, the crowds were rushing from the footpaths to the streets, raising their heads to look at the upstairs windows. With a wild' bound Jones set out along the left side at full speed, a varied collection of pedestrians at his heels. Resolutely, he kept his lead, and arrived at the corner, only to fall in a quivering heap. Jones has since been confined to his bed, and there are grave fears lest his mental condition may prove permanent.