WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VIII, Issue 373, 8 December 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Husband: You never kiss me except when you want some money. Wife: Well, isn’t that often enough? • *•*». “I think we could get along fine together.” ‘‘Well, it’s certainly time you were getting along. It’s eleven o’clock.” * * * # * Mrs. Thynn: Dont you think 1 look . plump in this gown? Thynn: Yes. Did you have it made 'at an upholsterer’s? • •'«*■> “What an awful cold your husband has! He coughs and sneezes all the time.” “He does, but it amuses the baby splendidly.” ***** Father: When we’re young, my son, we think we know everything. Son: .And when we get older we know w? do —eh? ? * * * * * Mrs. Culchaw: Did you see any o£ th: old masters while you were abroad? Mrs. Newrich: Mercy, no! They are all dead! ***** “There is a period in a woman’s life when she thinks of nothing bat dress.” “What period is that?” “From the cradle to the grave.” * * » * *, Teacher: What is it that binds us together and makes us better than we are by nature? —Corsets, sir, piped a wise little girl of eight. * • * * „ “I tell you, Maria, that boy makes some of the brightest remarks I ever heard.”—“Yes; I always said he didn’t take much after you!”

“If you want to communicate with the spirits,” remarked Jocular Jim, ‘I suppose the first thing to do is to learn the dead languages.” * * * * ® “I have managed to convince my wife that she does not know how to pick out cigars.” “How did you do it?” “By smoking ’em in the house.” 9 * * * * Howell: Edison says that we sleep too much. Powell: Well it isn’t his fault; he has invented things enough to keep us awake. ***** She: I dreamt last night you bought me a new hat. He: Well, that’s the first dream of a hat you ever had that didn’t cost me money. * * * * Wife (tearfully): You have broken the promise you made me! Husband (kissing her): Never mind, my dear, don’t cry; I’ll make you another. • * * Marie: I always think these bathing costumes make people look shorter. Karl: Well, they also certainly make some people lock longer. • * • “Don’t you think there is a great likeness between me and Mona Lisa, my dear?” “Yes. You can follow her example and get stolen, too, if you like.” * * * * “What names would you suggest for a list of the world’s great men?” “None,” replied Mr. Meekton. “After talking with Henrietta I’m inclined to think there isn’t any such tiling. * * * * * Butcher: Yes, you can put me and the missus down for a guinea. Collector: I see—a joint gift? Butcher:' What do you mean —a joint gift? We are going to give money, not meat. * * * * A clever but eccentric man, wno sings comic songs with a great deal of action, was singing one day at a concert given at a lunatic asylum. When he had finished, an old woman exclaimed, with a sigh: “And to think I’m in and he’s out!” * * * * “Captain, is there no way in which the ship may be saved?” “None at all, sir. We are going to the bottom; but I would not worry about the ship, sir, if I were you—she Is fully insured. You’d better find a lifebelt.”