WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VIII, Issue 369, 24 November 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

“Daubeley seems wedded to his art." “Well, then, it’s about time he applied for a maintenance order.”

“Had every penny taken last night. Woke up, hearing someone in the in the room. Reached under the pillow for my revolver, but didn’t shoot.” “Why didn’t you?” “I’d probably be a widower if I had.” * # * * «

“I tell you,” said Sinnick, “men are getting so deceitful these days that you can’t trust your best friends,” “And, what’s worse,” fhterrupted Borroughs, gloomily, “you can’t get your best friends to trust you.” * » # 0 •

At a fashionable gathering a gentleman made several attempts to start the conversation, but having failed, owing to the stupidity of those present, he finally remarked: “Now let us be silent on some other subject.” *»«**,

Tim: Sarer Smith—you know ’er —Bill’s missus. She throwed ’erself horf the end of the wharf last night! Tom: Poor Sarer! Tim: An’ a cop fished 'er hout agin’. Tom: Poor Bill!

“I wish,” said the girl thoughtfully, “that you wouldn’t use that expression, ‘launched upon the sea of matrimony.’” “And why not?” asked the young man, anxiously. “Well, you know what kind of time I always have on a sea voyage." * • # » *

“I saw the sweetest thing to-day,” began Miss Passay, coyly. “It was a painting of the—er—what is the same of that little god that represents matrimony?” “Well, now,” said Mr. Timmid, “you’ve got me.” “Oh, Mr. Timmid, this is so sudden!”

Veckson: My daughter’s practising singing, my oldest son is practising, law, my youngest daughter is practising medicine, and my other son. is devoting himself to practising football. Heckson: What are you practiisng? Veckson: Mostly economy. # # • » *

“Yes, Smith married a widow with ten children.” “I didn’t know he was fond of children.” “He isn’t. You see, this widow and her children are a remarkably clever family of acrobats, and Smith goes along with the show to look after the finances.” • * * * #

Grandpa: And where are you in your class? Hopeful: Second. I’ve been second all the term. Grandpa (who knows the old joke): I suppose there are only two boys fn the class? Hopeful: No, only one. Me and a girl. •*• . » * “Madam, you’ve riready overdrawn your account.” “What’s that?” “You haven’t any more money in the bank.” “The idea! A fine bank, I think, to be out of money because of the little I’ve drawn! Well, I’ll• go somewhere else.” * • a • “What makes the new baby at your house cry so much, Tommy?” Tommy (indignantly): “It doesn’t cry so very much. Any way, if all your teeth were out and your hair off and your legs so weak you couldn’t stand on them, I fancy you’d feel like crying yourself.” * * * * *

The Actor: I propose introducing the great Shakespearean play of “Hamlet” to your town. How would it go, think you? Bloodthirsty Resident: Any murders? The Actor: Murder is a special feature. 8.R.: Well, if yer calls it “The Murder of ’Amlet” yer can reckon on a full ’ouse. * # * # *

Mrs. Gruff: Did you advertise for poor little Fido? Mr. Gruff: Yes. Did you give a full description of him? Yes. And did you say our address was on his silver collar? Yes. And did you offer a reward? Yes. What did you offer? I said if the finder would return the collar he might keep the dog.