WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VIII, Issue 345, 1 September 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Did you get on your knees when you proposed? No; the girl I proposed to wag using them I

x * * * Now, I want something in your happiest vein, said the editor. Better pay me in advance, then, declared the poet. * • * # m

We surprised all our friends by getting married. Good enough. Now, surprise ’em by staying married.

James, can I trust you with the key of the wine-cellar? New Butler (stiffly) : Certainly, sir; I have seen all the labels.

* * • » * Uncle: What is the third letter of the alphabet, Johnny? Johnny: Don’t know. Uncle: What do you do with your eyes? Johnny: Sleep. * * * * * What are the relations now between your wife and yourself? Oh, only her mother, two uncles, a sister, and a few cousins.

* * * * « _ Madge: Don’t you think a girl should marry an economical man? Dolly: I suppose so, but it’s just.awful being engaged to one * * *

** . i Every time one of her neighbours J buys a warship, England thinks she ought to buy two. That’s the way my wife likes to buy gowns. * '# * * *

What is this young man doing asleep in our parlour with cobwebs .all over him? Never mind him, father. He’s waiting for Millie to dress. , • # ’# # ■ «

We dined out last evening. Pa disgraced, us, as usual. How so? Got to the end of the dinner with three forks and two spoons still unused. • * * ♦ i

Marks: Yes, I’m working night and day to put the scheme through. Parks: You’re foolish. Do nothing about it, and it will fall through. * * w • *

Are you satisfied with your new maid? Very. She’s too old to get married and too fat to wear my things. So I think we’ll able to keep her. ft ft ft ft . i ■

How do you tell those twin sisters apart? Why, when you kiss one of them she always threatens to tell ma, and the other one says she’ll tell pa. * # * » *

My friend, Wombat, says he can’t catch up with his orders. Is he a manufacturer? Oh, no, Merely a man with a wife and five grown daughters. * * * * «

He: So young March and his father are carrying on the business ? She: Yes. The old man runs the business while young March does the carrying on. * * # * * Little’ Effie: Do you love me very much, mamma ? Mamma (a widow) .* Yes, my darling. Effie: Then why don’t you marry the man at the sweet shop? ***** Mother, in sending out my birthday invitations, shall I say, ‘Your presence is requested’ ? Of course not, my dear; you should say, ‘Your presents are requested.’ e * * * * Dearest, if I were far away, faraway, could you love me still? Why, Reggie, what a question! I’m sure the further you were away the better I should love you. * * * * * Miss Gossip r Not another word; It’s an outrageous scandal! I won’t listen to another word upon the subject! Miss Gass: But I-’ve not finished.yet! Miss Gossip: Oh, go on, dear! ***** Pa, what is a pillory? A what? A pillory. Teacher asked me yesterday and I didn’t know. Why, that’s,.' a facetious term sometimes applied to a drug store. What won’t these schools put into your head next? •■* * * * Sapleigh: Would you—er—advise me to—er—marry a beautiful girl or a sensible girl? Hammerley: I’m afraid you’ll never be able to marry either, old man. Sapleigh: Why not? Hammerley: Well, a beautiful girl could do better, and a sensible would know better