WISE AND OTHERWISE

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 342, 21 August 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE

She: Don't you ever get homesick, captain? The Skipper: No, I'm never at home long enough. "Who gave ye th' black eye, Jim? Nobody give it t' me. I had t' fight fer it, *** - » • "Wife. Our new maid has sharp ears. Hub.: I notice that the paint is worn around the keyholes.. * * * « One way of taking the rest cure is to wait three hours every day in the anteroom of a fashionable physician. » # » * * Kind Lady: Poor fellow, and how did you lose your fortune? Tramp: I opened a livery stable in Venice. * * » * * Did you know, said the man who was reading about the contraction of metals, that a clock ticks, faster in winter than summer? No, I never noticed that about a clock. But I know a gasmeter does. . * * • * * ' V Judge: The sentence of the court is ,that the prisoner be confined in prison for the remainder of his natural life. Prisoner: But, my Lord Judge: Not another word, sir, or I'll give you four years more. * # * * * And so your young wife serves you as a model. How flattering! She must be immensely pleased. Well, she was ' at first, but when we had a spar, and I painted her as the goddess of war, she went home to mother. * # c * * Indignant Caller: Your paper, sir, refers to the man charged with entering my house as "the alleged diamond' thief." Editor: Well, sir? 1.C.: Well, I want you to understand that I had no» alleged diamonds on my premises; they were all genuine. **•* . 9 • Waiter, called the guest at the cafe, who had just changed his mind. Waiter! Yes-sir, replied the waiter, rushing back to the table. Make that chop a steak, will you? Sir, answered the man with the napkin, I am a waiter, not a magician. * . * ;.« * * Small Boy: Don't you have good times when you 'travel in the train? Mrs. Grabber: Why, dear? Small Boy: Well, mamma said you was double-faced, and I think it would bo an awful lot of fun to look out of two windows at once. ***** Chapter I.: I think you are just the sweetest, goodest husband in all the i world! Chapter II.: I wonder how much she wants. Chapter III.: And he gave it to me without fussing a bit. I wonder what he has been up to. *#**»' The conditions seem to De untavorable, admitted the trance medium. I am unable to get any communication from your late husband. "Well, I am not at all surprised, replied the widow. It's only nine o'clock now, and John never did show up till about two a.m. Oh, George, dear sne wmspered, when .'he slipporl the enpratjement ring on her tapered finger, how sweet of you to remembej just the isort of stone I preferred! None of the others was ever so thoughtful. George was staggered, but for a moment. Then he came back with: Not at all, dear. ■You-overrate me. This is the one I always used. She was inconsistent enough to cry about it. *** * . »

A man was arranging for the purchase of a horse. The price was twenty-five pounds. I'll pay you fifteen pounds on account, and owe you the rest, lie proposed. His offer was accepted, and he got the horse. Some time later the seller asked him to pay the balance. No, he replied, that would be a breach of contract. I was to pay you fifteen pounds and •owe you the rest. If I paid you J i should no longer owe it.