WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 340, 14 August 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Custom* Inspector: Have you anything ,to declare? The bride (blush-, ■ipg): Only that I stm tove George.

Father, buy me a watch. What do you want it for? I want to swop it with Freddy for his air pistol.

He: Bingham isn’t as black as he’s painted. She: And his wife isn’t as white as she is powdered. e # *■ * *

Who’s the responsible man here? I am, sir. Leastways, I’m always blamed if anything goes wrong.

Wife: So you really imagine smoking benefits you? Husband: I know it does. Your mother leaves the rooip every time I light my pipe.

I called at two houses last night and lost an umbrella at the fast. It’s a wonder you didn’t lose it at the first house. That’s where I got it. # # * * *

It is indeed hard, said the melancholy gentleman, to lose one’s relatives. Hard ? snorter uie man of wealth. Hard? It is impossible! e * * » s '

How large do you think a man’s income should be to marry? Well, I feel sure I’m capable of living beyond any income, no matter how large. * # # a »

Composer: What do you think of my new song? Critic: Needs ventilation. Composer: Needs ventilation? Critic: Yes; the air is bad. • # # • •

Sleeping-car Conductor: iou’ve been snoring horribly—if you’d only shut your mouth you wouldn’t make so much noise. Sleepy Passenger: Neither would you./ • * * * *

Jameson: My dear, I wish ■ you s wouldn’t sing that song about “Falling Dew.” Mrs. Jameson: Why not? Jameson: It reminds me too much of the rates and taxes! * * * •

There’s a man outside, gran’pa. He wants to know if you’ll buy .a cyclopaedia. Bless the boy, no! Tell ’im I couldn’t- ride one—no, not if he was to give me one free, gratis ! *#**»:

Teacher: Smith, what is a quadruped? Smith: A thing on four legs, sir. Name one. An elephant. Are there any feathered quadrupeds? Yes, sir. What ? A- feather-bed, sir. • • • * •

Uncle George; That the baby, is it? Ha! Do you know that I looked exactly like him when I was his age? Now, what is he crying about? Niece: X expect he heard what you said. # * TT ft if

My husband considered a very long* time before he proposed to me. He was very careful. Ah, it’s always those careful people who get taken in!

Country Judge: I must have order in court. I must and will have less noise and confusion here. I have already disposed of three important cases without being able to hear one word of evidence! *****

Oh that my son should wish to marry an actress! shrieked the proud patrician mother. Now, ma, don’t take on so, urged the undutiful heir. She isn’t really an actress; she only thinks she is.

* •

Mr. Addem, said a merchant to Ids sad-faced bookkeeper, I wish you would try and look a little more cheerful. I think, replied the bookkeeper, swallowing a big lump, that for thirty shillings a week I’m awfullyOjolly. •** * . *

She: Oh, I have no 'doubt you love me; but your love lacks the supreme touck— unselfishness. He: What makes you say that? You admit it. You want me for yourself alone, you say. • * * * *

You look warm. I have been chasing a hat. Did your hat blow off? It was not my hat; it belonged to somebody else, and it had a pretty girl under it. Did you catch it? Yes, and my wife saw me chasing it.