WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 325, 23 June 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

— One thing even a miser will cheer, fully give—advice. ***** “Is your son out of danger yet?” “No; the doctor is going to make three or four more visits.” # * # * ® Willis: “Brown says lie has a horse for sale.” Wallace: “I don't doubt it. I sold him one the other day.” » * o * * He: “There was a terrific accident in our house last night.” She: “You don’t mean it!” He: “Yes, as I was sitting in the parlour I happened to look out and I saw the kitchen sink.” * * * a “Bliggins always seems anxious to impress his own importance/' ‘Yes. He can’t even remark that it is a pleasant day without suggesting that you ought to thank him for the fact.” *****

Bi ■iggs: I have made a will leaving my brains to tho hospital, and have just got an acknowledgment from tho authorities. Lofty: Wcro they pleasedP Briggs: They wrote that every little helped. *****

“Happiness,” declaimed the philosopher, “is the pursuit of something, not the catching of it.” “Have you ever,” interrupted the plain citizen, “chased the last car on a rainy night ?” « 8 * » 9

Teacher: Now, Tommy, suppose a man gave you one hundred pounds to keep for him and then died, what would you do? Would you pray for him? Tommy: No sir; but I would pray for another like him. * * © 9 ©

Gqnn: “Is there any advantage in Wearing a beard like that?” Bunn: “Advantage? Why, man, it not only saves you the price of several shaves a week, but cuts your laundry bill in half.” ***** First Officer: “Yes, we were marching over a plank bridge when it gave way, and the men fell in.” .Second Officer: “And what did you you do?” First Officer: “1 ordered them to fall out.” *•**»• Star Actor: “I must insist, Mr. Stager, on having real food in the banquet scene.” Manager: “Very well, then; if you insist on that you will be supplied with real poison in the death scene.” •#• * © © The Wile: “After all, Adolphus, this visit isn’t going to be so expensive. With the half-dozen dresses I simply had to get. and your clothes cleaned and pressed., we’ll manage splendidly.” *****

“I once got a man to take out a £5,000 life policy, and he met with a 'fatal accident within a week.” “You must have wished your persuasion had been less successful.” “Oh, I don’t know. You see, I married the widow.”

“You say you are your wife’s third husband?”-said one man to another, during a talk. “No; lam her fourth husband,” was the reply. “Heavens, man!” said the first speaker. “You are not a husband; you’re a habit.”

Wedderlcv: “Let me congratulate you, old boy. This is undoubtedly the happiest day of your life.” Singleton: “You’re a little previous- I’m not to be married until to-morrow.” Weddcrley: “I know it—and you heard what I said.” s * * * One of the gilded young men came rapidly down the steps of his house half an hour after noon the other day. “What’s the rush?” asked a friend, “Oh, I’ve got to hurry to the office or I won’t get there in time to go out for lunch.” © © © «■ <9

“Why do you always put a pitcher of •-•.ter and a glass on the table before an orator?” “That,” said the chairman of many reception committees, “is to give him something to do in case he forgets his piece and has to stop and think.’'