WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 321, 9 June 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Girl: He says lie always hopes for the best Heiress: Yes. He even hopes to marry me.

I gave Coppers, the millionaire, his first start in life, How? With a beni pin at school.

Totty: My father is a lawyer. What 'does your father do? Elsie: .vYJiat?* ever mother tells him. '» * * # V 1

Mrs. Towne: So Hiram Sharp's girl Eflie has become a music teacher.' Hepzibah: Yes; we call her Eft Sharp;

Farmer: Do you want a job digging potatoes? Tired Tim: Yes, I do, if it's digging them out of gravy jott mean. * « * * w Don't jump at the conclusion that the man with the scratched face has bad a fight. He merely may have been judge at a baby show.

She (at the football match): I think I'm beginning to understand it. He: That's good! She: Is that the referee standing in the goal?

Chapley: How did she happen to refuse you? I thought you were her favourite. Washley: Well, the favourite didn't win, that's all.

Billy: Huh! I bet you didn't have a good time at your birthday party yesterday. Willie: I bet I did. Billy: Then why ain't you queer to-day?

I suppose you do your shopping early? Yes, indeed. I was in town all day. Buying? Oh, no! Shopping. # # * * * Is he really your rival? Yes. Great Scott! If I had a rival that looked like that do you know what I would do? No. I'd give up the girl.

The object of the average explorer seems to be to acquire enough material for a lecture. Yes; that is my wife's aim when she explores my pockets.

Newrich: I'm going to plant a lot of shady trees round my house, What sort is the best, do you think? Bunkum : The shadiest kind of tree I over saw was that family tree of yours that you showed me the other day. # * * * *

Churchwarden Brown: Excuse mo, Mr. Smith, but are you aware that* you put a false hall-crown in the contribution plate this morning ? Mr. Smith: Yes; I owe the heathen a grudge for eating a missionary unclo. » * * * «.

I'm glad to find you as you are, said the old friend. Your grunt wealth hasn't changed you. Well, replied the wealthy man, it changed mo in one thing. I'm now eccentric where I used to be impolite, and delightfully sarcastic where I used to be, rude. *■* * * <

Lady, said the tramp, you don't want to listen to no hard-luck story, do you? Not a bit of it. You relieve my mind. If you want to hear somethin' worth while, you jes' gimme a chance to show what I kin do as an after-dinner speaker. # * # # # Flatte :I thought I'd practise on my cornet last evening, but to save me I couldn't get the right pitch on it. Batte: Couldn't you get the window open? What's the window got to do with it? Well, the right pitch would have been through that.

Gil Tedge showed me his new book last night, and asked me what I thought of it. Is it g&sd? No. The only attractive thing about it is the design on the cover. What did you tell him? I said I thought it was bound to succeed. • t> ft ft ' *

• Proprietor of private fishing preserve (to trespasser): What do you mean by coming here and carrying off my fish? Trespasser (who hasn't had a bite all day): Excuse me, my dear sir, I'm not carrying off your fish. I'm feeding them!