IN LIGHTER VEINS

Waipawa Mail, Volume LXVI, Issue 95, 20 May 1938, Page 1

IN LIGHTER VEIN S

HUBIOH OF THE MOMENT XVEDBIXG BELLS, ‘‘So you want another day off?” said the office chief to his small office hoy. “I am interested to hear what the excuse is this time. You've been . t<> the funeral of your grandfather four times this year.” ‘‘Grandma is getting married again,” announced the boy. WASTE COAT. Young Alex (watching painter); Ilow many coats of paint do you give a door? | Painter: Two, my hoy. I Young Alex (brightly): Then if you gave it three coats it would be 1 Painter: Yes, my lad, and a waste j coat, NEW ART. | The prospective customer entered the art shop. i “1 want to see some of those pic- ! lures that are done by scratching,” ! he said to the assistant. : The assistant thought for a mom- ! enl, and then his face lighted up. 1 yOh, \es,” he said, ‘‘you mean i 'TIT:: TilIX. SMALL VOICE. ! They were giving a small dinner- , and for a special treat the little son of the house had been allowed to come down. When the dinner was nearly over, the child remarked in a confidential but audible voice to his mother: “ Mummy, will dessert upset me to- | night, or is there enough to go ! round?” “LET MA DO IT.” i The little boy was evidently a firm j believer in the old adage, “Of two < nils choose the lesser. ” Turning I the corner at full speed, he collided with the minister. “Where are you running to, my little man?” asked the minister. “Home!” panted the boy. “Ma’s going to spank me.” “What!” gasped the astonished minister. “Are you so eager to have your mother spank you that yon run home?” “No,” shouted the boy over his shoulder as he resumed his homeward flight, “but if I don’t get there lielore Pa, he’ll do it!” MOONLIGHT AND ROSES. They stood at the garden gate, the ‘-cent of lilacs filling the warm spring air. “Sally,” he whispered, hoarsely, “we’ve been going together two years—” “Yes, Geoffrey,” she breathed. “And we’ve grown close to one another, haven’t we?” “Of course, Geoffrey—” she ':died. “Well,” he gulped. “Well —will ■'ou —will v<ui —will, \ou lend me caviare homo?' I’m liWtcd.” PL A YE PL. On the day ;i: ter his first and L- i --boxing' mulch, a sad and disappointed man hobbled off to see a doctor. Ilis head was bandaged, hL arm in a sling, his face a mass of slicking plaster, and he had borrow'd a crutch. “Ilurf yourself?” asked the doctor Hurt himself. The patient grunted. “F< ■; any p lin ' ’ asked the doc--1 E( ' ! am Main. The natient gave a He couldn’t teel || ything else. “Look a- though yoi have bad an ceiclei o 1 1 . ; < d< ictor. “Oh, no," replied the patient, findt last “Not at all.” “Then, perhaps,” sug ested the doctor, •‘\ 01 ’ve been indulging in | -ome rough sport.’” j “That’s it!” said the patient. “I’ve been blowine bubbles.” BROKEN' HEART. long a m a ladv ! di\ .••i d her husband so she could !•..■!(• • >•■ }\]\ -h: ud a hundred ‘ lion..V r in lee: d iii- broken hear: 1 of the tim. nig j . . 1 ■ hie mi . !:ia: . in] lady and j : ',■! 1 I. - . '"!•:• to’d I M el)ie 1 > c, d I*l her huMnnd to • 1 )] diie wert lil c a man and spoke to ■h.,i h cairn- hack to her, she | • ' much ?’’ And Or'cliie savs: “Yes, :o n 1 feel the lor s LAUGH THAT OFF. “How many cigars do you smoke ! “About ten.” th ; cost you?” ! “ V.y. that’s Ids a day. How long have yon been smoking?” “Thirty years.” “Ten shillings a day for thirty years is a lot of money.” “Yes, it is.” “Do you see that office building on the corner?” “Yes.” “If you bad never smoked m your life you might own that fine bviild“Do you smoke?” “No, never did.” “Do you own that building?” “No.” “Well, I do.”

j. AN OLD DODGE. I The old story about the man who : >;t a job because his prospective ern- | plover saw him pick up a pin from j ; he floor has a sequel, possibly equally I old. He told a friend of his success and the friend, also job-hunting, had the forethought to drop a pin on the floor as he entered the manager’s office. As it happened, lie obtained the job without using this strategic device, but as he turned away, just to clinch the bargain, he picked up the pin and put it in his lapel. Instantly the manager roared: “It’s all off. We don’t want you here. A man who will steal a pin will steal anything.” SETTLING WITH HIM. “Now, then, young man, you come with me,” said father sternly. “You’re not going to thrash me, .•M'c you, father?” quavered the small boy. “Yes, I am. Didn’t I tell you ! -!is morning that I’d settle with you for your bad behavior?” “Yes,” answered the child, “but I I bought it was only a joke, like when you tell the grocer you’ll settle with THE CAREFUL SCOT. A Scot, whose gardens were noted tor their fine fruit, once sent a bas'd of hothouse .grapes to Queen Victoria. Graciously she acknowledged the gift in a personal letter, and complimented the donor on the excellence of his grapes. The gentleman thought that his old gardener would be pleased to share the compliment, and handed llie letter to him, saying, “Here, Sandy; that’s from the Queen.” Sandy read the letter through carefully, and then, after a long pause, said: “She disna say onythin’ aboot -endin’ back the basket!”