TALES THAT ARE TOLD

Waipawa Mail, Volume XXXVII, Issue 8015, 13 April 1918, Page 4 (Supplement)

TALES THAT ARE TOLD

THE WRONH LINE. Even tlm telephone girls have other interests besides answering calls; and one afternoon two of them, in different exchanges, had a chat, over the wires. ’Twiis on that all-important subject- dress. Hotli were going to a birthday-party on the following Saturday afternoon, and the iliaoiiHslon on what- they would wear on that occasion waxed interesting. Ten minutes passed, and the topig was still far from exhausted. Hut nu insistent masculine voice at last compelled one of them to turn her thoughts to other things. " A I'm you there P” tlio voice yelled. " Are you there? Halloa ! All, at last I Who is that speaking? Who are ” “ What line do you think you are on?” demanded the annoyed "halloa” girl, indignantly. " I don't know,/ cnuie tlm weak and weary reply; “'lmt, judging from nil I’ve just heard, I think I must have got on flu* clothes-line.” KNEW THE ARAHS. Lieut.-Colonel 11. A. Cray Cheapo, th.* leader of the brill inn I "JJalaeluva” charge of the Worcestershire and Warwickshire Yeoinany in Palestine, lolls an amusing hfory of a conversation he overheard between two troopers some, way behind the firing-line. One of them was reading a book, and (lie other man inquired) Urn name of Hie author. " LongfolloWj” was tlio reply. "Never heart! of him I What does he write? Stories?” " No, poetry.” "Oh!” Then, alter a pause: “Well, I was going lo ask you for the loan ol llm book, lent an if is you can keep it. I never could stand poetry.” " Hut this is real good sinll ,” replied enthusiastically. "Listen lo this: • 'And tlm night shall ho filled with And the cares that infest the day .Shall fold their tents like llm Arabs And as silently steal away.’ ” "Hy .love!” exclaimed li in chum, " fh.-rc is something in flint! I know those Aral* beggars they would simply steal anything.” THE MENIAL .SCOPED. 'Liveried Menial “Mo lud, the carriage wails without.” His Lordship: "Without what?” " Without horses', nm lud'; 'tin a motor.” PAT H. QIIEPY. ■ "Here’s o piece in th’ paper fellin’ how lo got Hie heel of mosq ui lees.” P'l.f: "Sure, who the divi) wants Hum, goo I or*find ?” DISQUALIFIED* Knicltcr: “Is Jones physically disqualified lo fie a soldier?” Hooker: "lie can't sec red while, and Muo;. lie can’t bear flic .all ol duly, and bis legs run backward.” Two impecunious Hootsmcn, travelling in search of gold, came upon a drinking saloon. They bad only sixpence, hcfwcn I belli, so they ordered one " nip o’ \\ husky.” limy were, hesitating who should have tlm. lirnt drink, alien an "mild” acquaintance joined them Pretending limy Innl just drunk, one of them handed llm new-comer lln- whisky, requesting Imiii In join them in a drink. IL- drank, and., after a. lew minutes ol painful and silent suspense, said : "Now, hoys, you’ll have one with 1 WmMm flint w.-cl managed, moil?” mi id one to bis j.al a I' ter wards. "Aye, if was,” said llm other, solemnly; “but. it was a dreadin' risk!” A coloured minister of Hie Hapfist. clniicli, in order lo strengthen and confirm tlm faith ol bis congregation, look as fin-, text of bis discourse the first verse of Hie third chapter of Mattlmw ; " In flume days canm John Hie Hap list., |. reaching in the wilderness of Judea.’’ "Oh,” said he, “how I like to read those, precious words ill the Idessqd Pil.le ! Yon don’t read anywhere about John the Presbyterian, or John tho Methodist, or John the Episcopalian. No, hire Hire u, if is John flic HajiliNf.” Quickness in repartee has been credited to Paderewski. A gentleman once in! rodm ed the pianist to Hm champion po'o player of Engl uid, and added: " You are both leaders of your separate though they are, ol ionise, very diU'ereiiL.” “Not so very dill'crcnf,” quit'll Iy responded file great pianist "My new friend is a dear Mini who plays polo, wlit-imis I am a dear Pole who playt* Hilo.” An old tillage.' who had he.n !„ Loudon ttas describing to his friends the splendour of tlm hotel at which lie " Everything was perfect,” lie said, "all lituj. -one filing. They kept l lie light hiirning all night in my Imdiouiii. a tiling I ain’t used to.” " Well," said om- wag, “ why didn’t you blow if out?” " Hlou if out ?” said llm rustic. “How could I? The filing was inside a hot Ije.” An amusing c.-inr of ahsoul mindedmss occurred at a picture gallery. An old gentleman, looking at, portraits, Imp,pencil lo pass a mirror, wlimli n-Ih-eled his ow ii image. IL- stopped with a puzzled Crown, ami said': "Ali-oin very strange; that face seems familiar lo me. Still, perhaps I'm mistaken." " ‘One wife too many’l” exolainmn Mrs. W«ulcrl.y, as she glanced at llm Imudlilies of her liusband’h pam-i-. " I suppose that is an neaoiinl. of flic doings of some, bigamist?” “ Not necessarily, my dear,” replied In-r husband, without daring to loon up. A soldier at the I'Yoiif, who has occasion lo semi postcards Iv* a eertinu small tow n w here I here is an inquisitive jhtinislreas* writes this leimml on Ih.- lop of llm card: "Please* forward alter perusal,” Little Emmie: "(Hi, mother, look nfc I,hut man. lie’s only got one arm I” Mother : "Hush! lie'll boar you.” Little Emmie: "Why (Huesn’t ho know it?”