SHAKESPEARE AS MOTORIST

Waikato Independent, Volume XXX, Issue 2319, 3 April 1930, Page 2

SHAKESPEARE AS MOTORIST

BIGHT UP-TO-DATE. The following article from "Punch" will appeal to all lovers of Shakespeare and also to motorists:— An American professor mostly American, I fancy—has recently had an urge to tell the world that the guy William B. Shakespeare is out-of-date —is, in fact, the back leg of a lame tortoise.

All Americans, however, do not think this. Mr Attaboy D. Hoosh, that wellknown lover of the high spots of Parnassus (Gic), has, on the'contrary, just produced a booklet proving conclusively that Shakespeare knew all about motors, for instance, centuries B.H.F. (Before Henry Ford). By his vuny kind permission I am enabled to quote from this work, which will, as he says, "can the banchcaded cackle about old man Shakespeare being a back number." It is arranged in the form of quotations, and I will let it spiel for itself: — Engines (Noisy)— "Thou ... in complete Steel Eevisit 'st thus the glimpses ■of the moon,

Making night hideous." —Hamlet, I. 4. Engines (Difficulty in Starting)— "Which, much enforced, shows a ■* hasty spark, And straight is cold again." Julius Caesar, IV. 3. Engines (Over-oiling)— "The rankest compund of villainous smell that ever offended nostril." —The Merry Wives of Windsor, 111. 5. Insurance Policy (Flaw in) — "Never did base and rotten policy Cover her working with more deadly wound.''

Henry IV., I. 2. Mass Production—- " The baby figure of the giant mass." Troilus and Crcssida, I. 3. Mechanics — « "Another lean unwashed artificer." King John, IV. 3.

Motoring Offences — "I'll put a girdle round about the earth In forty minutes." Midsummer Night's Dream, 11. 2. "All his faults observed, Set in a note-book, learned, and conned by rote." Julius Cacsor, IV. 3. Petrol (Advertisements for) — "A rarer spirit never Did steer humanity." Anthony and Cleopatra, V. 1. "The spirit of the time shall teach me speed.."

King John, IV. 2. Petrol (Water in)— "These foolish drops do sometime drown my manly spirit." Merchant of Venice, 11. 3. Traffic (Block in)— "Why, one that rode to his execution Could never go so slow." Cymbcline, 111. 2. Traffic (Police Control)— "Look, with what courteous action It waves you on."

Hamlet, I. 4. Traffic (Lights Control)— [Go] "The ground is tawny Yes, with a green eye in 't.". The Tempest, 11. 1. [Stop] "Making the green one red." Macbeth, 11. 2. Tyre Trouble—- " Let me not burst." Macbeth, I. 4.

1 ' Here will. be an old abusing of God's patience and the King's English." The Merry Wives of Windsor, I. 4. "My high-blown pride At length broke under me . . . V;:in pump and glory of the world, I hate ye." Henry VIII., 111. 2.

Those extracts should of themselves be enough to convince anyone, thinks Mr Attaboy D. Hoosh, that Shakespeare was a motorist; but his attitude to pedestrians puts the matter entirely beyond doubt: — "You are not worth the dust which the rude wind. Blows in your face." King Lear, IV. 2.'

So thorough-going was he and so wonderfully provident wa s his mind that he could even supply an excuse for joy-riding three hundred years before it wi-s actually needed:— "He that is robbed, not wanting what is stolen, Let him not know it, and he 'c not rebbed at all." othciio, in. :;. In conclusion, Mr Hoosh, who is a greater admirer of internal textual evidence, draws our attention to "The g Merry Wives of Windsor." In this play, it will be remembered, a certain Ford did undoubtedly request Sir .John 1 Falstaff to take half a bag of money, 1 or all of it, for "easing him of the carriage"; and when, later, Ford asked S him how he had sped, the reply was, "Very ill-favourcdly. Master Brook." "