The Humour of Things

Waikato Independent, Volume XVIII, Issue 1743, 25 April 1916, Page 6

The Humour of Things

1 here \s :i lady pianist at the eonball Mho plays Avitli her toes.” “ I’lnph!” “That's nothin-; my baby does that!” Mistress ‘ ‘ You tore up your references. But that was a very stupid thing to do! ” “You wouldn't think so, mum. if you'd seen ’em.” dim my “He’s a very good golfer ” (untie “Does he play vve 11, dearie, or does no refrain from using bad language when he makes a bad shot.” ( d., Barber (to a. iScoteh visitor, aftei shaving;—“Little bay rum, sir?” ■ vetch \isitor—“Weel, I'm na fond o’ lUm. but I wadna refuse a drap o' M'hlisky! ” Lady Bore (visitor at our Cottage Hospital) “I—or—want to send, you d-ar fellows some flowers—what tire your favourites;” Shrapnel Charlie—- “ Woodbines, lady—wild woodbines.” Mr (■oodnuui—“My little man, when i was your age I didn’t smoke in the way you do.” Slum Child—“l should Hi ink not. Why. there ain’t a kid in the alley that kin inhale like me.”

A |i'MH|ious oHii-rr was walking along a muddy trench when lie suddenly slipfell into a pool of wati'r and ntmi. Vuie ot tli o men nonr could resist siiiiliiiu.lnij when the officer picked him'clt up lie turned on Private Murphy. ‘ u‘’Well, what arc you standing there looking like a laughing- jackass for ? Do rou sec anything funnyT’ he said. “-No,” replied Murphy. ''but, sir, sure 1 was just thinking how funny it wild ''-ire Ivon if it had been somebody except yourself!”