THE HUMAN SPONGE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXXIV, Issue 4893, 21 September 1901, Page 4

THE HUMAN SPONGE.

Tbe 'Morning Leader' hai been investigating the habits and customs of the * human sponge,' a ( character ' who is by no means, it says, a pioduct of madttrn em\i»atioi>. Jnvenal has his presence at the banquet* of ancient Borne, he hat undoubtedly larked in Pharaoh's palaces, and, if the truth were known, he prob.lb.ly 'cadged' for drinks at the Coott of King Arthur. The human sponge starts hit career with a fixed determination to evolve as much ai possible from his acquaintances, and to bestow as little as possible in reforn. He im generally successful in his endeavor*, for by constant and arduous practice be attains perfection in the art of sponging, and mores by natural instinct towards those quar* ten where his absorbing faculties may enjoy the fullest exercise. He is always a devotee of alcohol and tobacco, because in the hotel bar and the tobacco pouch lie his best opportunities of acquiring something for nothing. He is always a boaster, and will confess, with a touch of indignation, that he has just received £20 a week^beftrase it wasn't good enough,' or luUt* }u»t . mle»ed doing a good t thing oat of shares,* or has lost a fabulous snm on the racecourse. This confession invariably leads np to a modest request for half-a-crown. He will follow acquaintances into an hotel bar looking for somebody who is not there, and entering into a conversation which willlead to a drink. He rarely admits being penniless. Bhynesß is the only defect in the whole catalogue of deficiencies which he does not possess. He is as bold as Archilles and' as thick-skinned as the rhinoceros. He may Invite a host to 1 have Aootbef ,' bat if tbe host accepts, a loan of a shilling must be obtained before the drinks can be paid for. Nobody seems to have sufficient moral courage to deal firmly with the human sponge. He is everywhere in the world except where there is nothing to be begged or borrowed. Like the influenza, when once acquired, be remains always in the system, and there seems to'be no satisfactory means of getting rid of him.