The Colonel's Age.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1888, 16 April 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

The Colonel's Age.

After one of his Italian euccesses, Napoleon Bonaparte had some of the priuoneis brought before him. Among tLeni was an old Hungarian colonel, who, on being quebtiorirrl, aaid that he had served in ihe army ol Marin Theresa.

"You must be an old man," remarked (ha great genera).

" Yes, Eire ; I urn about tixty or EevenSy,' 1 replied the colonel.

" Indeed !" cried Napclccn, laughing, 11 Ycu have certainly lived lorg enougn io ocunt your yenis a little tloEer."

" Sue," raid »he old colonel, testily, "7. always ccuntroy money, my Fhirtß, and my horees ; but as to my yearn, I know tcbedy is foolish enough to want to steal them, so 1 don't take the trouble to remember the exact number.'

See—" You pretend not to care for mo now; but jetU-rdsy et the theatre matinee you Eaid I waa one woman aincug a thousand."

He — " Well, I was mistaken. The m&nager tells me to-day thet thae were only a little over 900. '

Count SpoghoMi— " Will ycu not let me have one lock of your hair ?"' Mise NosenEe — " Certainly, count. Cut is yourself."

•" Sham-

The Count (atsent mindcdl})— ' poo?"

May— 1 - I wouldn't go down into a cor-.l mine, as you did, for anything." Belle (swciUyj— "Of couree net, dear ; bus you'ie not a minor, you know."

Mb Hogan (after bammeriDg on the dcor for five minutes — '• la in dean or alive ye are P

Mr Grogan (withir) —'• Naylher. I'm. shlapin'."

•| Chaeley sees come very strange things while he is down tcwu," said joung 31rs Toeker. " I heaid him telling a ftiend that a men showed him a king full. I shouldn't have crjojed the f.U a hi 4 myself, for I can't think of anythirg much more repulsive than intoxicattd rojalty. But 1 suppcee Charley has grown hardened to such thn ej» as that."

LiLDEBKix— " That table is altogether too ric'ffv. Why, it creaks if you put joi.r hand on it,"

_ fa.cicj.Li.per— " Why, that's all thestjle, sir. It's built that way on purpose. You can't read an accour t of fashionable dinm r parties without noticing how ' the table i> proaned under the weigl t of the delicacies' Why, in the regular way of business ye ought to charge £1 extra for them kind of tabl< p, but seeing it's you, &c."

Victim—" Are ycu sure that you c*» j»nt my tetth into satisfactory condition ? *

Dentißt— " Yes, sir; at any rate, 1 nil spare no pains to do co." He who couits and goes away, May court again another day ; But he who weds and oourts girls still May go to ccurt against his will. Kitty is so jealous that she discarded a sea-captain because he admitted having occasionally hugged the shore. DccTOß— " Well, how do you feel to-day ?" Patient — '• 1 feel as if I bad been dead a. week." Doctor—" Hot— eh ?" " I'm on to you," s&id the drop, of ink fw the blotter, in a tone of considerable &&■> perity. " Dry up," said the bloiicr, Eavagely* A little boy, six years old, ww» bc&l fc<a school last week for the first tiroe» and ra, his return home asked his papa, '' Wno, taught the firbt man bis letters ?'

Minkie— " I have jiut received eucu b tie* letter from Will. He says his only thoughts, are of me."

Mamie— '■ He probably tells the truth. He never was much of a thinker,'*

TeaCheb— "Now, boys, who can tell me wby the sea heaves up and down, and throww up shells and Eeaweed ? Well, Thomas Williams?"

■"PieaEe, sir, because it*s eea-

Tommy — ' sick."

" Geoeoe," she said, ehyly, as she withdrew her lingering lips from his, " I think I smell whisky on your breath."

" Wrong, Edith, dear. You'll have to gaees again." And she guessed again.

" Are yon sick, Donald ?"' askpd a Highlander of a fellow passenger on the State of Nebraska.

"Did you think I wonld be doing this foe. fun V was the disdainful reply.

" Ladies," said the old grey-headed tewefcer, " I'm sorry to confess it, but I'd rathtr have five young men from the high tohool than one of you."

"So would we. teaoher," was the gc &«s>! reply.