Tickling Trifles.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1815, 25 July 1891, Page 2 (Supplement)

Tickling Trifles.

Sailou " Did you ever see vessels engaged in a fight ?" Civilian " No, but I have seen a Bhip spar." Volubility is the distinguishing feature 0! a horse-car driver when he is thirteen mm utes behind schedule time on his Bupper trip and an overloaded coal wagon break* dowp just in front of him on the rail. A School Boy being asked by his teaohei how ho should flog him, replied : •• If you please, sir, I should like to have it on tho Italian system of penmanship; the heavy strokes upward aad the downward ones light." Wk learn wisdom from failure much more than success. We often discover wnat will do by finding out what will not do ; and probably he who never made a mietake never made a discovery. Mr Ciieu Caoss— " Say, love" a gen'leman fren 's juet brought me home all right 1" Mrs. Cross : " O'i, thanks; and now, il he iB not too tired, I'd Hko to have him taka you away again 1" The Sunday-school class was singing, " 1 want to bo an angel." " Why don't yot sing louder. Bobby?" asked the teaoher. " I'm singing aa loud as I want to be au angel," explained Bobby. Brown made a bet with Wagerly that h« would cause nine out of every ten men whe passed a certain building that day to toucfc that structure. Wagerly accepted the bet Brown simply hung out the sign "Paint." Policeman (to Brown, who is dinging to s lamp-post) : " Shall I help you over to youi house, Mr Brown ? ' Brown "No. House (hie) be here in 1 minute ; can see it comin'. Been roun 1 twi3he already." Pretty couain (to young Sissy) : " That'i a very intelligent dog you have Charley." Young Sissy (proudly) : " Yes, indeed Maude. Why, I couldn't begin to tell yot all that dog knows.' Pretty cousin : ' No, I fancy not, Charley. » Office boy (to country editor) : " Mac outside, sir, wants to see the editor." Editor (anxiously) : "What does he wans of the editor V Boy : " Says he wants to mop the floos with him." Editor (relieved) : "Oh show him in. I was afraid he was going to stop his paper." Mks. Dorothea ltittenhouse MoGinty (t& most intimate friend) '. " And you haven't Been Mr McGinty since we returned from our European wedding tour? My dear, you. wouldn't know him. I've improved him immensely, and I really think he's a gentleman now." Confirmed Bachelor : " How time does fly, Miss Seaside ! Why it was ten years ago that you refuaed me on this very Bpot." Miss Seaside (who wishes she hadn't) : "So long ago as that ! I waa very young and foolish then, Mr Smith." Confirmed bachelor : " But we are both older and wiser now." A "legitimate" barn-stormer recently returned to the city pn foot after an unsuccessful starring tour in Shakespeare oharacters. A friend accosted him, and asked 1 , what luck he had. " Luck," the actor replied ; " why, down there in Javille, Jay County, I played to four kerosene lamps, andi two of these went oat after the first act." Old Golddust (on hie knees to the Widow Bullion " Ah, madam 1 I adore you." Widow B. There, there 2 Do not get excited Mr. Golddjist. You have let your teeth fall in my lap. Shall I give them & Caramel?" ""-

" Say, old man, yon* should call on Miss Theree. She's a bright girl— a brilliant one." - " I know it—that's why 1 don't call." Teacher : " What is tautology ?" Boy : " Repetition." Teaoher : " Give me an example 7" Boy : " We are going to have sheep's heaS for dinner and my sister Elsie's beau ia coming to dinner also. 9 ' TtMher : "Go op ahead,"