MISCELLANEOUS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 1814, 22 July 1891, Page 6

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Japanese was sentenced years ago to imprisonment for life, escaped, stndied law, became a judge, and was re-arrested on the bench. He has been sentenced to six years' imprisonment for changing his name without authority. Turmeric, on account of its deep yellow color, is of great reputation in the treat- , orient of jaundice. "I hear you are going into the law, Mr Barkins. What branch do you take up. patent or railroad ?" " Breach of promise : I'm the defendant." Snails boiled in barley water are sovereign for an ordinary cough. Narpi, a chieftain from the Caroline Islands, is on a visit to New York. His mission to America is to appeal for protection for the Natives on the islands from the brutality to which they are subjected by the Spanish soldiers. It is reported that the American Consul at Honolulu urges the United States Government to insist that the Spaniards should treat the Natives fairly. Employer to clerk: "Don't know the man's address! Well, write to him and find out." At the- funeral of George Manning, a jockey killed at Canterbury Park (N.S.W.) recently, the mare he was riding when he met his death was led in the procession, covered with a pall, and carrying the clothes and colors of the late jockey, together with wreaths, for which there was not room in the hearse, the coffin being covered with them. What are the most unsocial things in the world ? — Milestones ; you never see two of them together. In a New Zealand court lately, a boy of thirteen refused to recognise the Bible provided for witnesses. He could not undertake to speak the truth unless sworn on a particular version. A copy was hard to find, but at last a perspiring official entered bearing a ponderous family Bible, with plates, notes, and the rest of the extraneous rubbish to be found in the volumes hawked round by the book- fiend— and then the fastidious child was able to testify, with a clear conscience, that he knew nothing about the matter before the court. The boy's conscientious scruples did honor to his training. -'Typo.' Captain U. H. P. Hams, of the Cunarder Etruria, has crossed the Atlantic 501 times. Gladstone drinks a quart of milk a day, and never eats any but stale bread. Mrs Temple, wife of the Bishop of London, has recently learned shorthand, and has obtained a certificate of proficiency from Mr Pitman, who says that •• her writing is both neat and accurate." Mrs Dogood : "Did you see the elephant while you were in New York?" Mrs Tyger : " I didn't ; but my husband did. At least, when we got home he Baid one had stepped on his pneket book." Rounder : " Did you ever hear a member of the « 400 ' talk ? " Grounder :•• No ; I always take a back seat, and go out between the acts." 6 Miss Fluffy Bangs: "Say, did you ever ride on an ice-yacht?" Mr F. A. Kerr : "No ; but when I was doing the harlequin in ' Humpty Dumpty ' I used to be shot out of a cannon every night." P. T. Barnum, after making his will in 1882, summoned several prominent physicians to examine his mental condition and to make affidavits, to his sanity, which they did. This was to guard against acy possible contest upon the plea of incapacity. Nowadays the young men of the period dont go down on their knees in nervous agony before their future wives. They hold a solitaire diamond ring above their heads and the girls jump for it. Tennyson is grieved, if not annoyed, that his last poem Bhould have been so much ridiculed by the Press. A candidate for office is very much like a drowning man. All the mean acts of his life are quickly brought up before him. "It's all very well to talk of writing for posterity," sighed the poet ; " but posterity isn't editing any magazines." When two souls have but a single thought they should stop spooning and take urj tudy. r It is estimated there are nearly 40 OCO people out of work in Victoria. ' The Railway Commissioners of Victoria have made arrangements to introduce the zone system for the carriage of parcels next month. A computation has been made from which it appears that the average amount of capital obtained in the English money markets by the Governments and public companies of Australia during the first six months of the last five years has been L 9,750,000. The amount for the first half of the present year was, however, only five and a-qaarter millions. The official estimate of the grain yield in the United States is 541,000,000 bushels showing an increase of 142,000,000 bushels.' The Standard' says that Europe will want double the available American surplus. It is not likely Russia will have any to spare, and she may possibly have to purchase. An embankment containing 10 000 000 tons of masonry and timber has broken down and blocked the Manchester shin canal. * The South Australian Assembly have agreed to a motion empowering the Government to expend L 5.000 in the purchase of land for working men's blocks. " Half the population of Melbourne have too many overdrafts, and the other half regret that they cannot get them," is the statement of a high Victorian official. A remarkable invention has been made in Australia. Glass tubes project before railway trains, and if they are broken by an obstacle an electric movement is applied to the brakes, bringing the train immediately to a standstill. J The Charleston (West Coast)" « Herald ' apologises for its non-appearance on a recent Wednesday on the ground that the reporter got mixed up in a Bacchanalian matinee on the previous night, and as he had all the brains of the staff with him nothing could be done. There a*-e the usual promises of reformation, if forgiven. An American stamp, issued .at Brattletw^? 1846 « has J ast been sold by Mr J. W. Palmer, of the Strand, London, for the extraordinary sum of L 250. The ori ginal price of the stamp was five cents During June the estates of seven deceased persons were placed under the management A balloon was struck by lightning at Chicago and two aeronauts in it injured? • f HU S a \ d 1 V Yes ' Winker vr S ed »c to go into the hotel with him, and I had to." Wife: "Was that all? It Btr ikes me you had more than two." An expert in handwriting— The manicure, Nancy (to her cousin from the city): " Can you climb trees ? " Maude (first visit to the country, in pained surprise): Haven't yon an elevator 1 " The daily surplus of births over deaths in the United KiDgdom is 1,500. The man who "has not the ghost of a chance," is naturally out of spirits. " I think I shall cause a sensation," as the schoolmaster observed when he picked out his thickest oirch. After stepping from a hansom a lady had great difficulty in finding her pocket in which she had put her purse. The driver watched her struggles for several minutes, and then exclaimed rather impatiently; " When you ate through scratching, mann, I'd like- my fare.' . . ...