Good Story of a Telephone.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1682, 12 April 1890, Page 4 (Supplement)

Good Story of a Telephone.

Father OTlalloran had a telephone put into the parsonage, whioh was in connexion with ths oharcb, ths parochial school, &s. Patrick M'Fee, his reverence's handy man, was instructed in tbe as 9of the instrument ; and it waa only the next day when Pat, dusting out tbe church, heard the clatter of the telephone bell. Taking down the receiver, he was pleased to hear Father O'Haljoran's familiar voice, asking him something or other about his work. Pat, in essaying to answer, remembered that hia reverence was a long way cC, and he consequently hojlcreti into the transmitter at the top of hia voice. "I don't understand you, Patrick," said the telephone. Pit tried again, with no better sueoaae. Oa hia third trial he came near splitting the telephone; but again came Father O'Hal< loran's voice : "I can't hear what your are saying, P&iriob." Pat had by this time lost some of his patienco ; and, as he stood gathering breath for a fourth blast, he oould not refrain from soliloquising in a low tone : 11 Ah ! may the divil fly away wid the ould fool !" Eat Pdt droiopsd the telephone like a hot potato when he heard Father O'Haliorans 1 voica once again : •'Now l hear you perfectly, Patrick."

Th 3 carpenter should naver be out of doors long. There is no tick in tha silent watches of ■ the night. A oood action is never forgotten by s solicitor. Was Adam an Irishman, aa he seems to have been Bve-icted 7 The corset is a paradox. It comes to stay and yst goes to waist. When a man is lost in love he oan generally be found by sending a belle after him. Thr average cab-horao is a tender-heartsc! animal. He is always ready to stop and listen to a tale of woa. Latjea: "I tell yoa, Emily, I will nevor marry a man who dce3n'fi love me 1" Emily : •• And I will never love a man who doesn't marry me." ' . UtfiiLAßD : " Do yon know women love to see themselves in print ?" Brightly : " Thsy ought to be encouraged, my boy ; it's a preoioas eight oheaper than silk." " What a picturesque littla cottage 1 A veritable Swiss chalet." " A Swiss shall he, do you call it ? To my mind, it's more liko ant rich shan't he." " You get your daughters up most beautifully, Mrs. Hebe." "Yes; that is art." '• And you get them into society so early. 1 ' " That ia mart." " And you find rich husbands for them." " Thsfi'ia smart." Ax Aberdeen functionary visited a pnblio sohool, and in the courEe of a conversation waa told by tho head master that the (standard ot the outricalum waa not as high as it should ba. " Indsed !" replied the functionary, " that must be rectified. I'll Bee that a enrpenter is sent round to have it raised at once." Youso Poet (to frisnd) : " Well, Charley, I'vs sworn off." Friend (enthaßiasiioaHy) : " I'm heartily glad of it, old boy ; and all your friondß will feel the same way. Let' 3 go and have a drink." " Didn't I just tell you that 1 had ftworn off drinking ?" " Yoa didn'fc say you had sworu off drinking. I suppoasd you had sworn off writing, poetry." " I hear, Mr. Grant, that you bava been elected mayor of your town." "You are: correctly informed, sic." "And da vca intend to carry ouS the policy of yoor predecessor?' "Indeed, I do, sir. I aholi carry it oat and deposit it on the garbage heap." Foxd Mother : " Tommy, darling, this ia» your birthday. What would you like best?" Tommy (after a moment's rc-floc-tion): " I think A Bhould enjoy seeing the baby spanked." Miss Eijjbely : " I have just been gathering autumn ieave3, Mr. Oldboy." Mr. Oldboy (cynically): "So I parceive.Miaa Elderly. You have gathered them co many years I suppose, yoa do it autumn-aticaliy as i& were." Mxsa Penelope Peachblow : " Cousin Tom has just come back from college." Mr. Pemberton Wyatt : " Aw, I suppose your governor will want to kill the fatted oalf V " Yes ,* but do sot go away on that account."