A Fast Nag.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XVIII, Issue 1218, 30 January 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

A Fast Nag.

Uncle Peter, who flourishes in the mountaiDS of Vermont as a horse-dealer, was called upon the other day by an amateur oi " pquino" who wa3 in search of something fast. The result is told as follows : " There," said Uncle Peter, pointing to an animal in the meadow below the house ; "there, sir, is a mare who would trot her mile in two minutes and seventeen seconds were it not for one thing. 1 ' " Indeed 1" cried his companion. 11 Yes," continued Uncle Peter, " she is four years old this spring ; is in good condition; looks well ; is a first-rate mare, and she could go a mile in two-sevonteen were it not for one thing." "Well, what is that?" " That mare," resumed the jockey, " is in every way a good piece of property. She has a'heavy mane, a switch tail, trot 3 fair, and yet there is one thing only why she can't go a mila in two'-seventeen." " What in the old Harry is it, then ?" cried the amateur, impatiently. " The distance is too great for the time 1" was the old wag's reply. Webb once asked Jamea Anthony, of the Sacramento Union, for tbe loan of $20. The old man had & queer habit of winking at every other word. " Certainly, Charley (wink, wink), I'd give you $20 (wink, wiok) to have you stop stuttering that way, any time." " Now I-I look here, M-m-mister Anthony, what's the u?e of talking about that? I st-t-tutter with my mouth, and you stutter with your eyes 1" At a large party the other evening, while a young lady was playing the piano with peculiar touch, a bystander remarked, " I'd give Ihe world for her fingers." He was greatly taken aback by her very prompt reply that <' he might have the whole hand." To what length may the widow go when she desires a new parent for her children ? She may go one stepfathpr