A JOINT-STOCK SENSATION.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 123, 16 June 1870, Page 7

A JOINT-STOCK SENSATION.

(From the " Peeryhingle Papers" in the " Melbourne Weekly Time 9.)" A great idea has got into my head, and has elbowed all other small ideas ; out, just as a young cuckoo elbows the other birds out of nest. I'm going to be a promoter — to promote myself, and a Company. Already I've begun by settling my cart and things on my family ; and I've got hold of a seedy chap to write my prospectus, as that style of composing's a shade beyong me. Promise me that you won't split, and I'll show you the rough draft. It's rather jerky at present. The seedy chap brought it in last night, and borrowed two shillings on account. This is it : — The Patent Amputated Mutton Company (Limited.) Capital, Ten Millions Sterling. In one million shares of £10 each. Deposit, Five Shillings per Share. Provisional Directors : Jeremiah Chitterlings, Esq., Prahran. Peter Brisket, Esq., Collingwood. Job Trotter, Esq., Footscray, Alphonso Deßuggins, Esq.,Greelong. John Smith, Esq, Fooscray, | Dn'l Peggotty, Esq., Nunawading. John Peerybingle, Esq., Kichmond Flat. It has been remarked by moral and other philosophers, that man is a somniferous biped, who eats meat. Without being daily replenished, filled, renewed, and supported by means of meat, he would not survive. In point of fact he would die. This being the case, the efforts of philanthropists have been directed to the subject of providing man with this great necessary of life. Hence the Echuca, the Australia Felix, and other meat preserving companies Hence Mr Bignell, and other butchers. It has, however, been reserved for a local benfactor of his species, John Peerybingle; Esq., to make a stupendous discovery. To quote the words of that enlightened carrier, "A sheep can run on three legs as well as on four, if not better ; and the fourth leg is consequently so much unproductive mutton on our waste lands running to waste." Starting from this proposition, the discoverer proposes to form a company for the purpose of working the idea, as gold can be seen on the surface of it, to say nothing of the veins of copper, which are visible to the naked eyes of intending shareholders. The calculation of profit is easy. It is proposed to amputate the fourth, and unnecessary leg of every sheep in the colonies, and to convert that leg into the fami'iar article of commerce known as a Leg of Mutton. Preserved in kerosene oil, after i the manner of sardines, these legs of mutton will not fail to command a ready market in the hungry mother country ; and to yield anenormous return to the shareholders in the Amputated Mutton Company. For example, ten million sheep will yield ten million legs at a cost to the proprietary of say. fourpence each ! These, after allowing for all expenses of management, cribbings for the directors, and losses in general, will give a net profit of six shillings and ninepence three farthings each ! In other words, and in round numbers, the actual profit to be disposed of in the form of dividends may be reckoned in millions sterling ! All That the Promoter takes in the form of remuneration for his labors is three-fifths of the shares of the Company fully paid up. The Provisional Directors have consent to be satisfied with one-fifth ; and the Public are invited to be in time, and to take the other one-fifth at a premium of five shillings per share. Brokers : I Dodgem, G-rabbit, and Walker, Melbourne. Walker, Grrahbit, and Dodgem, Ballarat. Early applications for shares will receive a preference. There! If that does not go off, hang me if I don't start a German Silver Mine, with ready-made tea-pots " cropping-out " on the surface.