ONE LONG WAIL.

Star (Christchurch), Volume LXIV, Issue 956, 28 December 1933, Page 3

ONE LONG WAIL.

Old Moore’s Almanack. By NGAIRE. Tf your wife insists upon a new black and white ensemble in January blame Old Moore. He has told her that black and white are the lucky colours for that month. If in February she wants still another dress of brown and yellow do not call her s, capricious jade, for it is Old Moore again; he will keep changing his colours. If you feel that you are losing vour husband's affection, hunt up Old Moore’s birthday guide, where you will find that stars and eclipses have compelled the poor creature to form a romantic attachment. We would like to know who this Old Moore is and why he has been allowed to get away with murder, so to speak, since the year 1697. The toll of his misdeeds by this time must be something appalling; his birthday guide alone is a snare. The young girls he must have led astray! “ December 10 —A fortunate engagement awaits you. April 2—You wiL look forward to a romantic love affair this year.’ The gold-digging (isn’t that what you call it?) he has encouraged! ‘'October 27—You should push your affairs to the utmost. November 7—Push your affairs for all they are worth. August 18—Remember that the sea holds other fish. You will gain through elderly people.” We think that this is terrible, and the houses he must have broken up ! “ November 2—Look to a woman for success. November—A romant> love affair will make this a me ,rable year. October 31 —Success lies over the water and the hand of a dead man will point the way.” This is no less than incitement to murder. ** Lucky ” Numbers. And think of it! People all over the world are misguidedlv backing outsiders and losing their money becau.-e 01.1 Moore compels them to stick to his lucky numbers. His January page is one long wail of slumps in the stock and share markets, of epidemics and earthquakes, of revolutionary acts in India. South Africa will go Republican and the French Government will get angry. In February Old Moore must have a religious revolt in Portugal; in March he can't do without a submarine disaster in the Channel. In April, he says, back horses carrying weights of seven stone to seven stone eight. In May he will arrange an increase in colonial trade, but unfortunately someone must be murdered by strangulation. In June and July gold will be found in Australia, the cream of society w 11 be stirred by a scandal and the Pope will contract gastric trouble In August Old Moore will be enjoying himself like a Greek chorus. France, Italy, Roumania and Australia are all to expect trouble. The English Government will meet with misfortune, there will be rioting and a mounting death roll in Ireland, famine in Russia, fighting in Berlin and earthquakes in Japan—very matey doings, you

might say. all the world over. The Emperor of Japan, Old Moore thinks, may succumb; but on the other hand, of course he may not. It all depends upon the moon and Leo, and whether they get on well together. But a Cabinet Minister will die and a whole lot of people contract hay fever. “ Bad Luck,” Says Old Moore.

In September, a woman aviator wdl disappear and Royalty on the Continent must be careful. In October, Mars and Saturn will oppose each other, unfortunately allowing outsiders to win at all big race meetings. Mussolini, General Smuts, Hitler, de Valera and President Roosevelt must all be careful of their health in November December makes a lovely happy ending. The sun and moon, Neptune, Mars and Uranus are all in disagreement. Strikes and disorderly scenes will occur, ministers will resign from the cabinet and by-elections will be lost. Murders will occur and gas mains will explode. Fires will break out in London and Paris, while many people who have somehow escaped calamity in the preceding pages are now to die from bronchial troubles and pneumonia. However, this year “ will witness the first signs of the breaking of the barriers, which will automatically lead the world to peace and security, and will once again open a path to trade prosperity, which will this time be built upon rock instead of shifting sand.” But poor old Russia will not emerge from the shadows until 19-15. In the meantime all farmers must consult his lambing and calving guice, and all gardeners follow his planting timetable. Maker of Marriages. It becomes practically impossible in time to do anything without consulting this wicked old man. Marriages are made by him, homes are broken up, continents are ruined, outsiders win at race meetings, kings get bronchial trouble, ministers have to resign and stars get mixed in their courses to make his almanack come true. lie has even fixed things so that Greta Garbo cannot possibly get married before 1936. And we repeat, that the creature should come forward and declare himself, and explain what he means by it; and also enlighten us as to why he has left our own birthday out of his guide altogether, when we purchased his book for the sole purpose of consulting it to see whether we ourselves were ever going to be married at all.