BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Volume XLIV, Issue 368, 9 March 1932, Page 5

BY THE WAY.

Some Collections and Reflections. (By ONE OP THE BOYS.) A man who could be scathingly- j witty once met more than his match in one of the Roman Catholic priesthood “ Reverend Father, I wish you were St Peter/’ “Why?” ‘‘Because, Reverend Father, in that case you would have the keys of heaven, and could let me in.” “By my honour and conscience,” retorted the divine, “ it would be better for you that I had the keys of the other place, for then I could let you out.” Where there’s a will there’s usually a contestant. A man, accompanied by his wife, visited a tailor to order a suit of clothes. The couple disagreed over the material and style of making, and the wife lost her temper. “ Well,” she said, turning away, “ please yourself : I suppose you are the one who will wear the clothes.” “ Well,” observed the husband meekly, “ I didn’t suppose you’d want to wear the coat and waistcoat.” The verger was decorating the church when the vicar happened to call. Noticing tacks on the floor of the pulpit, he said. “ Don’t leave those tacks lying about, John. What would happen if I stepped on one next Sunday in the middle of the sermon?” “Well,” said John, “there would be one point you wouldn’t linger on, anyway.” Sympathiser: “Did her father come between you?” Tilted Suitor: “Oh, no; merely behind me.” rs n A proud father went to a branch of the Post Office Savings Bank. Said he: “I ivant to see you about opening an account for the new arrival at our house—how shall I distinguish it from mine?” Manager: “Suppose we call it the fresh heir fund?” Husband: “Don’t bring me any bills; I can't face them.” Ilis Wife: " needn’t. I only want you to foot them.” Mrs Jay: “ Has your daughter had a musical education?” Mrs Kay: “Rather! Name any gramophone record, and she can tell you what s on the other side.” Man: “I sav, cancel that advert, for my long-lost relatives.” Newspaper Clerk. “ Have you xound them?” Man: Not hall! I drew a ticket in <the Irish sweep.”