MAKING A PAL OF YOUR BOY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 19255, 17 December 1930, Page 11 (Supplement)

MAKING A PAL OF YOUR BOY.

Pri\e Essay. 1 (By ALFRED T. THOMAS.) T OOKING BACK to one’s own bo3diood, should, in all theory, help one to a greater ! appreciation of the particular joys and sorrows of the boy of to-day. Actually, however, this backward glance gives little inspiration. By the time a man has reached the age of parenthood, memory of his boyhood reactions is rather hazy. Certainly one learns by looking back, but usually it is an appreciation of the parental viewpoint. Not until one is a parent, for instance, does one realise the poignancy behind those awful words, “Sorry, old man, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” To the child how hollow they sound, but to the parent how real the heartache. Someone has said it is a much more difficult thing to be a good father than to be a successful Lord Mayor. No father is wholly successful who does not make a pal of his boy. A Scheme. To begin with, there must be a definite scheme. Successful living is no haphazard affair, nor has one to-day the comparative leisure of one’s own boyhood. Time has speeded up and even space seems shrinking. To help the boy build, you must build with him and assist him to self-expression through love and understanding. You must be three persons to your boy, Father, Big Brother, Friend; a relationship of constant change and adjustment with ever-diminishing exercise of authority as you adapt yourself to the boy’s unfolding. Inability or neglect to adjust the relationship, and seeming reluctance to forgo the “little brief authority” on the father’s part, wrecked many a promising friendship. Early must you hold up to your son ideals of courage, courtesy and constancy. Every boy loves a hero, and what more natural than that his father should be his first “Happy Warrior.” Difficulties. The period between boyhood and 3 r outh is a difficult one for both father and son. The young, flexible character is shaken rudely by urges and desires. Up against realities, the boy needs wise handling, and the father who talks platitudes and prudery will meet either sheer indifference or a solid wall of antagonism. . Leaving autocracy behind him, the wise father becomes the big brother ready to help with kindly sympathy. Being neither too hard nor too lenient he will try to understand, and remembering his own youth, will make allowances. He will encourage his boy' in clean sport and physical activity, for the active boy has no time to be morbid. Bv tactful suggestion he can influence his boy’s taste in literature, for the sound body is not enough—mind and body must be equally balanced. Friendship is only possible between equals, and the man who adjusts his relationship of Father, Big Brother, Friend to his son’s unfolding life will have made a pal of his boy. Through all their relationships and experiences will run the golden thread of a durable and fine friendship—a friendship in which the father learns as well as the son.