BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18985, 3 February 1930, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) People do not marry as early as they used to, but they marry oftener. Advertisement for carpet cleaner:— “Don’t kill your wife. Let us do your dirty work.” She who makes a good pudding in silence is of greater worth than she who makes a tart reply. “James,” said the teacher, “do we eat the flesh of the whale?” “Yes, sir,” said James. “And what do we do with the bones?” “We leave them on the side of the plate, sir!” A man was once asked to stay at a large country house where it was a rule to do no cooking on the Sabbath. On going in to luncheon on Sunday he found the following menu, written out by the cook: “Cold mutton. Cold cabbage. Cold potatoes. Cold sweats.” When little Percival arrived at a certain Christchurch school this morning he carried the following note to the teacher: “Dear Teacher—Our sweet little Percival is a very delicate, nervous child, and if he is naughty—and he is apt to be naughty at times—just punish the boy next to him and that will frighten him so he'll be good.” A man waiting for a train at a country station was struck by the wretched appearance of a dog that was tied up to the post. He called the porter, and said, “That dog looks very miserable. Where is it going to?” “Ah, sir,” said the man, “that’s the trouble. I don’t know, and you don’t know, and the dog don’t know; ’cos he’s chewed up his blessed label!” a 22 :: A man who was wanted by the police had been photographed in six different positions. The pictures were sent to the Superintendent of Police in a city, where the fugitive was thought to be hiding. After a few days, headquarters received the following reply: “Sir, I have arrested five of the six men whose photographs you sent me, and the sixth is under observation, and will be secured shortly.” jj “Do you know, mother,” said the little boy, “that dustman of .ours is awfully kind to his horse.” “How do you know?” asked the mother. “Well, this morning,” said the child, “I was looking out of the window, and the dustman had got the dustbin on his shoulder, and was just going to tip it up into the cart, when the horse went forward, and all the dirt fell over the poor man. And do you know, mother,” went on the little boy, “he wasn’t a bit cross with the horse, but he just sat down on the pavement and told God all about it!”