BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18971, 21 January 1930, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) Fashion Note: There will be little change in men’s pockets this summer. People take shorter honeymoon trips than they used to do, but they take more of them. Wife: “ You told me before we were married that you were well off.” Husband: “Yes, I know, but I didn’t know how well off I was then.” A man on tour said he didn’t know how to describe his play. If he called it a tragedy the receipts were a farce, and if he called it a farce the receipts were a tragedy. t* A man entered a public library amd asked the lady assistant for a book entitled “Man, the Maker of the Uni-x-erse,” and the girl replied, “I think, sir, that you had better apply to the fiction department.” An impressionist painter submitted a landscape to a friend, and asked him to suggest a title. “ I should call it ‘Home,’ ” replied his friend. “ But why ‘Home?’ ” asked the painter. “ Because there’s no place like it,” was the reply. A youth wrote to an editor as follows: “Can you kindly tell me why a girl always closes her eyes when a fellow kisses her?” To which the editor replied: “If you will send us your photograph, -we may be able to tell you.” & :: Whilst the ship was coaling at Valparaiso the captain received a cable from the owners, “ Move heaven and earth to get to Sydney by next Thursday.” The captain sent the following reply: “Heaven and earth not available. Raising hell. Things are moving.” A man at the club was describing a rail adventure. “It was a terrible moment,” he said. “I was hanging on the buffers, and the train was travelling at seventy miles an hour. My arms grew tired, my hands slipped, and I remember saying, as my head struck the rails ” “Hard lines,” suggested a quiet little man. An old gentleman who held that boys were not what they used to be in his day, stopped in front of a little child, and said, “Well, kiddie, how are you to-day?” “Very well, sir,” said the child shyly. “And do you ever think what you are going to be when you are a great big man?” “No, sir.” “Ah, I thought so: and why not?” “’Cos I’m a little girl, sir.” Irish preacher, wishing to show his congregation to what depths a prodigal son sinks, gave the following illustration : “ A lad left home with good intentions, but got into bad company. He had to pawn his overcoat in order to raise money to feed himself. Later his coat and waistcoat had to go the same way. Again he needed money, and was forced to pawn his trousers, shirt and vest. Then he came to himself.”