BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18937, 6 December 1929, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) Beanland’s got the hump. They said he wasn’t worth a dump. I don’t know what that means ; He seems to think it’s not quite the beans. An octopus Has completely blocked up us In our efforts 'to sell meat, Says Dickie with some heat. The tedious trip round the Appenines Will be shorter, for which not a chappy pines. Through the new railway tunnel That two hour run’ll Be easier for feet cased in flappy nines. ‘‘Not a man bn the Works Committee worth a dump,” they say. Some ot us would like to dump the lot. A young man was given the post of clerk in an hotel. During his first day’s duty a pretty girl came along and said, * , want y°u to give me a nice room an »a kath.” “I hardly know what to say, stammered the young mani “I wasn t engaged for that.” * ' . One good thing about the “Talkies” is that they have completely scuppered the vandal in the seat behind you who used to love reading out the sub-titles. Should a husband keep anything trom his wife?” asks a writer. Enough for lunch and carfare, we should say.” the optician murmured. You say the glasses I gave you have not improved your sight? You still see what yoyx call spots before the eyes?” “That’s right,” his client replied. “But I must admit that since I wore the glasses I can see them much clearer than before!” K M v .Oad,” said the small boy, “I see Wirth’s Circus is coming. Will you give me a shilling to go?” “I will not,” said the farmer. “It’s only a few weeks ago I let you go out in the pouring rain to the top of Mount Herbert to see an eclipse of the sun. Do you think life’s one perpetual round of pleasure?” Outside a church in Aberdeen stood a woman with a baby in her arms. Both were crying. A man stopped and asked what was the trouble. “Och, sir,” said the woman, “they won’t baptise the bairn till they get five shillin’s, and I don’t have it.” “Dear me,” said the Aberdonian, “if that’s all, we’ll soon put that right. Here’s a pound for ye. Go and ge’t the bairn baptised and bring me the change.” In ten minutes the woman came back smiling apd returned fifteen shillings. “Ah, my good woman,” said man, “and now we’re all happy. You’re happy because the bairn is baptised, the minister’s happy because he’s got his five shillings, and I’m happy because I’ve been tryin’ to change that bad pound note for the last three years.” , “Hut I thought ” began the typist meekly. “It’s not your business to think,” snapped the manager. “All I pay you for is to take down letters word for word, without leaving bits out or adding bits of your own.” That afternoon the following letter was brought to, him:— “Dear Mr Browne, —Write it with an ‘e,’ (pure side, his father was a gar. dener). With regard to your letter or whatever date it was, I can’t be expected to read writing like this, I can quote you the following prices. Hi, Thompson, it’s that outsider Browne How much shall we stick on? Twenty per cent? Make it thirty? Righto! Thirty bob, two pounds and two ten a ton. Awaiting your estefemed orders. I am, yours truly. Thank goodness that’s done.”