FUN AND FANCY

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18780, 8 June 1929, Page 20 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

Affable Stranger: “If you had twelve oranges, and I gave you one more, how many oranges would you have?” Boy: “I don’t know, sir. We always do our sums in apples.” At an election meeting a persistent interrupted was effectively silenced The speaker had scored off him several times, but in the end the audience became restive and there were shouts of “ Turn him out.” “ Oh, no, don’t turn him out,” said the speaker, on the platform. “ The poor fellow daren’t say a word at home.” Mrs Aye: “How is your daughter getting on with her music?” • Mrs Bee: “Fine! Her teacher says she plays Mozart in a manner that Mozart would never have dreamt of himself.” lie: “So your father asked you what you saw in me to admire?” She: “ No. lie asked me what I thought I A councillor in a Swedish town lost his temper during a meeting, and remarked that half of his colleagues were fools. An apology was demanded He caused bills with the following correction to be posted on hoardings in the town:—“ T said that half of the town councillors are fools. I now declare that half of the town councillors are not fools.”

An Irish peasant, asked why he permitted his pig to take up its quarters with his family, replied, “Why not? Doesn’t thi place aff 'rd every convenience that a pig can require?” Harold: “ Why are you so melancholy, old man?” Hugh: “Joyce re jected me last night.” “ Well, cheer up. There are lots of others.” “ I know; but somehow I can’t help feeling sorry for the poor girl.” Angry Motorist: “ Some of you pedestrians walk along just as if you owned the streets.” Aggrieved Pedestrian: “Yes, and some of you motorists drive just as if you owned the car! ” “ Then you deny,” said the magistrate, “ that you were rude to the policeman when he asked to see your license?” “Certainly, sir,” replied the motorist. “ All I said was that from what I could see of him I was sure his wife would be happier as a widow.” Small Car Driver: “Excuse me" is this the London Road?” Big Car Driver: “ Yes.” “ Then would you mind letting me have a bit more of it?” “ How did you get on with the new maid?” “Oh, she couldn't get on with the children ! ” “So you sent her away?” “No. We sent the children into the country.” “ Doctah,” asked a lady of colour, • “ Ah’s come to see ef yo’ am gwine order Rastus one o’ dem mustard plasters ag’in to-day?” “ I think perhaps he had better have one more,” answered the medico. “Well, he says to ax > yo' kin he have a slice o’ ham wid : it, ’count of it’s being’ a moighty pow’ful perscription to take alone.” Professor in English (to young 1 man) : “ How would you punctuate the following: ‘The beautiful girl for such t si was was passing down the street’?” Student: “I think, sir, I would make a dash after the beautiful girl.” t ss *: - Farmer Have: “That Jones boy that 2 used to work for you wants me tc give him a job. Is he steady?” - Farmer Seede: “ Well, if he was any i steadier he’d be motionless.” v He: “Don’t you think mv dancing l- is improving?” She: “Yes, you’re making huge strides.”