BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18674, 31 January 1929, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS and REFLECTIONS.

(By One of the Boys.)

Fascist federations are instructed “to treat with particular severity hyperbolical publications ridiculing Fascism on the pretext of exalting it.” The editor of “II Gigolo del Spaghetti” bounded into the sub-editor’s room angrily waving a proof. “Hell’s Bells,” he growled, “Who’s this trying to get us all into clink? This has got to be altered.

“Listen to this bit: ‘Fascism will never die. It is invincible and eternal.’ Wotcher coming at? Make it: ‘Fascism’s still got a few kicks left.’ “And this: ‘Let our enemies rail and rant. Fascism can listen to them in dignified silence, glorying in the magnitude of its achievements.’ There’s six months each in that chest-pounding stuff. Make it: ‘Other guys can laugh, but they can’t laugh off our new bitumen road.’

“Good Benito! This is the worst yet! ‘All good and true Fascists know that happiness, prosperity and glory come through the present regime. Others tremble in their hovels and howl at the bright star of Fascismo.’ Somebody’s going to be fired over this. Make it: ‘Anyone with any grey matter under his hat knows what side his bread’s buttered on, and if they don’t .like it they can lump it.’ Where’s the rest of the yarn? Who wrote it, anyway?” “That,” said the sub-editor, getting in a word at last, “is a report of a speech delivered by Signor Mussolini at the opening of the new pickle factory at Gorgonzola.” ♦.* Mr Baldwin is going to unveil a memorial to Mrs Pankhurst. I bet Mr Asquith in 1913 would have been glad to do it. X X X The British Engineers’ Association is suspicious about the proposed national industrial council, because the Trades Union Council people with their socialistic ideas might talk politics instead of economics. It would be a splendid sight if it worked both ways and both sides became contaminated. We would have the spectacle of Sir Magnus Oofbird, the tinned pineapple king, coming away from a meeting, with bowyangs above his spats and his monocle tied with a red ribbon, throwing preference shares and debentures to the. mob and sharpening a knife for Stanley Baldwin on his boot. Then Mr Tom Glubb, the militant secretary of the Whelk Polishers’ Union, would come out, smoking two cigars at once, go home in a special train, reduce all the wages in the union office and then go to Monte Carlo with a couple of chorus girls. The minister of a Hastings church last Sunday, in view of the heat, informed the male portion of the congregation that it would not be irreverent if they removed their coats. A few did so, but the majority preferred to swelter. That’s the worst of having washing day on a Monday. « X 98 One of the unemployed—the kind that don’t want work—is reported to have told the Town Clerk that he would like a job where he could dress well all the time, and not have too much to do. “I’ll keep you in mind,” said Mr Neville, “and when I find two jobs like that, you can have the other one.” x x A London daily, commenting on the Goddard case, says everyone accepted bribery as a commonplace except the higher police authorities. And sometimes the higher police authorities accept it as a commonplace, too, and in America would go very crook if they didn’t get it. “Why are you making your little brother cry?” said a mother crossly to her youngster. “Im not,” said the boy, “but he’s dug a hole and he’s* crying because he can’t bring it into the house.” XXX General Ludendorf’s latest might be described as lewd and awful. This business of the Tramway Board and road maintenance is a matter of reading between the lines. X St St The Education Department has decided to abolish its slogan of “Attaboy” in favour of “Attamore.” “From boyhood the Minister had had that training which had rounded him off. . . .” said the Mayor. Referring to his figure, no doubt. St Si Si This morning I read how the Gas Institute met. Yesterday it was the Warm Air Association. The annual conference of Rotary Clubs comes next month. St St St “This Sumner pool,” said Dirty Dan to his mate, “is it anything to do with the sort they plav on a billiard table?” XXX The German general von Ludendorf Has bitten more than he can chewedend off. The parsons say this is Too bad, and his Mrs And he ought to have their heads screwed-end off.