BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18092, 28 February 1927, Page 7

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys). Interesting item from the report of the Melbourne versus Wellington cricket match: “Beard had a close shave before he was caught out by Sandford.” If you sec an old-time friend walk past you with chin set and stately walk do not worry. He is not intentionally snubbing you. neither is his excessive rigidity brought on by neck paralysis. It is the result of many miles of pacing his bedroom to accustom himself _ to balancing a silk hat on his head. Yes, he has been invited.

I got dragged into a tennis tournament the other day. Tt is a fascinating affair that for thrills leaves horse-racing standing. You seek out your opponent, and each surveys the other warily as two gladiators did of old in the arenas of Rome. Pride of birth, education, are now as nought. You face one another as man to man. Suddenly he tosses something in the air. It is a coin. As it spins, your mind‘.thinks quickly, seeking for inspiration, praving silently to fortune. Then you call. “Heads!” It is “ Tails.” Three seconds’ thrill as the coin spins, and it costs you five bob. You have to provide the balls. T don’t want to butt in on Stella. Her column is the place to teach girls how to make the male sit up and beg, how much attention with how little intention should constitute a flirtation, how to have well rounded arms, perfect knees, and the way to bake angel cake. In fact, all the multifarious paths by which mankind is led into subjection. This is her domain. Still I must tell you. Yesterday I sat next to Miss Phvllis K. Brown in the Papanui tram. Wc talked on the weather for a few moments, and then she said. “ Tell me about yourself—all about what you have been doing since I saw you last.” I told her- all the way from Cook and Ross’s corner to Papanui. Never have I met a more charming girl. Angler Ghost: “Who’s the chap laughing at that, chap’s fishing yarn?” His Friend: "Jonah!” Donald (coming in from play) : " Mummie. isn’t it tea-time yet?” Mother; “Good gracious, no! It’s only just three o’clock." Donald (thoughtfully); "Then my appetite's a bit fast." After the “first night" the author anxiously asked the critic what he had thought of the show. " A shade too realistic," replied the newspaper man. "Too realistic?” repeated the author, in gratified tones. *’ In what way, exactly?” “ Well, my dear fellow, the programme asked us to believe that an hour elapsed between the second and third acts, and—well, it damn nearly did.”

A “ bad hat ” who had been discharged from the army wrote the following letter to the War Office: “Sir, after what I have suffered, you can tell the Army to go to H .” lie received the following answer: “Sir. in reply to yours of 18th inst., I am directed to inform you that any suggestions or inquiries as to the movement of troops should be made on Army Form Fg.654, At. the English Park Stadium sports on Saturday evening, the starter's gun was sulky. It went off with a hiss like a rocket, and once refused to explode at all. The riders were called back and the. gun attended to. When all seemed right the announcer megaphoned:—“Hurrah! The Renown’s fixed again ! ” “Do you believe in long engagements?” “ No. About as long as the J>yttelton tunnel.”