STEAM ROLLER DOES JAZZ ON TAR ROAD.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17711, 4 December 1925, Page 6

STEAM ROLLER DOES JAZZ ON TAR ROAD.

VERY UNPLEASANT, SAYS MAGISTRATE, IN LONDON. Police Constable Burt, in the course of his lawful vocation, strolled into Hillmarton Road, Islington, N., shortly after two o’clock in the afternoon, and he had no sooner turned the corner than he collided with a nightmare, says R. E. Corder in the “ Daily Mail.” There, in the daylight, with fifteenroadmen doing Pavlova steps over a tarry and sticky surface, was a ten-ton steam-roller, jazzing ponderously to the song of its driver. “ The steam-roller came towards me in zig-zag fashion,” said the officer, “ and the fifteen roadmen were skipping out of its way. It was rolling about all over the place, so I went up to the driver and asked him what was the matter. lie replied, ‘ Nothing,’ and then fell off the tender. I told him he was not able to drive the steamroller and he said, ‘ Well, if you think so I won’t drive it.* ” The favourite phrase of Mr Binglpy, the Magistrate, is “ Very unpleasant,” and he told the contrite driver that it must be very unpleasant for traffic to have a ten-ton steam-roller making erratic curves all over the place. “ Very unpleasant,"’ added Mr Ringley. “In fact, it is fearfully dangerous. You might have crushed women and children. Indeed, the potentialities of a ten-ton steam-roller in the hands of a drunken man are very unpleas—are terrible to contemplate. How much drink did you have?” “ Three half-pints with my dinner,” replied the driver promptly. “ I think not,” murmured Mr Bingley. “Three half-pints! No. You couldn’t do it. Do you think he could do it?” (turning to a divisional surgeon ). “ He had more than three half-pints,” declared the doctor decisively. “ I thought so,” saiU Mr Bingley. “I really ought to send him. to prison, but as it is his first offence, perhaps a fine of £2 will meet the case.” “ I want a summons for persistent cruelty against my husband,” demanded a wife who seemed to know her own mind. “What has he done?'” inquired the Magistrate. “ This week he gave me 6d, and last vveek he gave me 4d,” answered the indignant wife. “ Unpleasant, but not cruel,” remarked Mr Bingley. “ But he has been knocking me about for the last ten years,” complained the wife. “ You must be getting used to it by now,” observed Mr Bingley. “ She has got marks on her now,” interjected the warrant officer. “ And he pulls me out of bed at night,” added the wife. “ That must be very unpleasant,” said Mr Bingley, granting a summons. K 35 35 i t “ This young woman wants your confirmation of my advice,” said the warrant officer, introducing the next applicant. “ She wants to know if she can marry again as she has not heard from her husband for eight years."’ ' “And what was your advice?” asked the Magistrate.

* t ?^ h er ’” said the warrant officer, that if she married again and her husband eventually turned up she could not be prosecuted for bigamy but it would be unpleasant.”

“ \ cry unpleasant,” agreed Mr Bingley. who said he could not add anything to the sergeant’s advice. \\ hat awful rot,” commented the Magistrate when told that members of the British Medical Association could not have drinks after ten o'clock at their annual dinner, which was held in the Hoi born licensing area. “ People can buy a ticket at an ordinary affair in a common hall and drink as long as the\* like. It is one of the anomalies of the licensing laws that I cannot understand. It is very unpleasant for members of the British Medical Association to be compelled to finish their feast by ten o’clock.” Eighty years of age, a widow, who is also an old-age pensioner, was found by a constable lying on the footpath. As she could not stand he sent for the ambulance, and at the police station a doctor said she was suffering from the effects, of ““alcohol. “ That is not being drunk,"’ said Mr Bingley. “ Does anybody know anything about this old woman?” “ She lives in one room by herself,” said the woman missionary. “ Then shp had better return to it at once.” declared Mr Bingley. “Eighty years of age, lying on the pavement! Very unpleasant!” Echoes of the Cesarewitcff were heard when two street bookmakers appeared in the dock. The first had made £2B 13s on a clear book before he was arrested, and left, the Court still £8 13s to the good. The second was a novice, and he had only taken 17s 6d. “ I was only doing it on the big day,” he pleaded. “Mid-day? What difference does that make?” asked Mr Bingley. “He says big day,” explained the gaoler. “Oh, yesterday!” said Mr Bingley. “ Five pounds.'” “ Vere you jjrunk?” asked the clerk of a middle-aged man, who firmly replied, “No.” “ He was lying on the ground in the Euston Road,” said a constable. “When I lifted him up he told me he was not drunk, but the doctor at the police station said he was.” “ I suffer from fits.” declared the man in the dock, “and when they come on I fall down.” “ Very unpleasant,” murmured Mr Bingley. “ My secretary, who is here, will give evidence, ancj so will my doctor,” urged the man. “ If you are seriously contesting the charge,” said Mr Bingley, “ I will adjourn the case and the doctors can fight it out between them.” “ I will bring five doctors,” declared the defendant. “You can bring as many as you like,” said the Magistrate cordially. “Bring all Harley Street, The more the merrier.” “ Thank you. Good morning.” said the defendant, as he went out with his doctor and secretary.