A BISHOP IN THE STOKEHOLD.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17352, 17 May 1924, Page 17

A BISHOP IN THE STOKEHOLD.

AND OTHER REMINISCENCES. BY HAROLD E. ENSOR Sometime Archdeacon of Akaroa, Christchurch, New Zealand. (IV.) Archdeacon Ensor-, who has a weTl-deserved reputation as a good story-teller, has written a series of “ Reminiscences,” which the “ Star ” has secured for publication weekly. The fourth instalment appears to-day-. A brisk fire burned in the openhearthed fireplace of the study, for the alight was cold, and the Southern Alps, Some thirty miles distant, were wrapped in their winter mantle, A snapshot from the study door would have shown the backs of three deep-seated chairs, three ascending wreaths of smoke and three pairs of legs stretching upward until the heel ends ot them rested in a sort of boot-jack shelf spanning the fireplace. If mv reader (noun masc.l. has never tried that attitude for a restful smoke, he should do so. provided he has a don of his own and can afford a little extra payment to his tailor, for. truth to tell, this blissful attitude plays havoc with the calves and sorely creases the coat-tails, even ot short ones, so that my friends’ wives used to know where their hubbies had been spending the evening. The centre pair were gaitered; one pair, by the bagginess of the knees, proclaimed the owner in his own house ; the other, spick and span and elegantly shod, betrayed the recent arrival from England Gaiters, an old friend of the host, had brought his new-chum friend to gather some first-hand knowledge of New Zealand before taking him up to his northern diocese. At first the talk was about, such things as a new chum

“ ought to know and believe to his soul’s and body’s health.” hut after a time the inevitable. 14 Do you rememVierP” began to work its spell, until the entrance of a tray, the contents of which are another story, as the novelists say. suggested that the hour was late and the power behind the host thought it time we went to heft.

But Gaiters said. 44 I)o you remember when 7 came back from England in

*96. where 1 had used some of your yarns in lectures on New Zealand, how we enjoyed sending each other clippings from newspapers in which the

yarns appeared as the experiences of sundry lecturers?” The one about the Port Ligar baptism seemed the favourite. and the varied parts of the globe where the incident occurred caused us great glee. ‘‘Please tell me that one,” said New Chum : and, although we knew we ought to go to bed, we refilled our pipes, and put another chunk of woof on the fire. One day a man I did not know’ came to the vicarage at Havelock and tol 1 me he had four children at Port Ligar. down the sound, where he w r as working, and he had promised his wife to ask me to call in on mv next trip and baptise them. The instructions he gave me so that I might find the place were a little disconcerting, as he told me that Port Ligar was a bay about fifteen miles beyond World's End. World’s End I found was the local name of an inlet where a large sawmill had been some years before. I promised to come, and on the next trip called on these good people, but found only two children. The other two, a lad of six and one of eight years of age. Tiad got some inkling of what was impending, and, probably contusing haptfsm, of which they knew nothing, with calf branding, which they knew all about, had w’aitod only To Ree the launch entering the bay, and promptly made for the bush, until the dangerous man within it had passed on his w-ay. T told the parents I would call again in two days o'n my home, and de parted, having baptised the two little ones, who were too young to speculate on the possible horrors of the ceremony. At the time appointed I returned, and was greeted by the father, who. with a grin, informed me that he had the little devils safe this time. Tn view

of whal happened, I was glad afterwards that I did not rebuke him for this classification of his offspring. Having secured the dinghy, we went up to the house and putting on my surplice, I awaited the children. After some delay, during which 1 heard mysterious soun L from the rear of the house, the mother came into the room looking red and flustered and said, “Father says you’ll have to do them outside, sir,” so I followed her and found the catechumens under a huge turkey coop with a heavy log on it to keep it down. I told the mother to hold the portable font, otherwise the family sugar basin, and the presentation of the children was effected by the father hauling them out one at a time. r J he first resisted stoutly and as 1 poured the water on his head fought like a wild cat, shouting, ‘* I’ll no hae it. I’ll no hae it”- but the other one, who had been keenly watching proceedings from between the bars of the coop, came quite quietly and stood without a flinch until the actual baptism was over, when he swung round and hit-his brother in the eye, saying “Tak that ye loar, ye said it ’ud hurt."’ 1 had a struggle with my conscience before I coni-1 pronounce the next words of the office “seeing now dearly beloved that chese children are regenerate.” “Yes, R is a good yarn,” quoth Waiters, “hut the one told me by a line old Presbyterian, minister runs it very closely.” An Englishman who had made a fortune rapidly but found the floors of English society closed against him for some reason, determined to be ‘even with the snobs.’ so he bought the estate of some long pedigreed but necessitous Scotch laird, gathered kindred spirits round him, and their doings in the ancient house caused grave scandal in the neighbourhood. After the manner of his kind, he began to depopulate tho estate and . strictly preserve the game. Some of the ejected cottars held liberal ideas | on the game laws, and took tithe of the grouse. At last a half-witted lad was caught and haled before the .justice, who had let it be widely known that it would go hardly with the first offender brought before him as magistrate ana iaira combined. “With. the daft lad came the reneruble minister of the parish, who pleaded the lad’s deficiency of intellect in extenuation, of his fault. The laird, v. ho had long nursed a grudge againsc tho minister for his openly expressed sympathy with '<4»e dispossessed cottars and for some plain speaking to himself personally about his manner of jife. saw a prospect of revenge and said, ‘Well. sir, if you will promise to grant mo a favour which I shall, presently ask of you, I will let the rascal off.’ The minister, with Scotch caution, replied that it would give him 'much plcftHtirs to do the laird a service 'if it lay in his power to do so. and -was a&surcd that the call would be

upon him in his ministerial capacity. So the old man wended his way home happy in the success of his mission, and hoping the laird’s words meant that lie was soon to he married, and perhaps with the ending of bachelordom the scandalous scenes at the house would cease also. 44 A few days afterwards, the laird and some of his friends, who evidentlv had looked upon the whisky when ft was yellow, appeared at the manse and found the minister in his garden. In answer to his courteous greeting, the laird reminded him of his promise and asked him to baptise a terrier puppy which was following them. ‘Certainly,’ said the minister and asked them to come into the manse. The housekeeper was told to bring a basin of water and place it on the table, and when this had been done the laird and his companions, now broadly grinning, were asked to stand, and the minister said with perfect seriousness, ‘Sir. you have brought this animal to be baptised, so I must request you to tak3 the dog in your arms.’ This was done amidst the titters of the audience ; the minister looking over his spectacles at the laird said, ‘You will now answer the first question: Are you the father of this puppy?’ A shout of laughter followed, but quickly died as good old man fearlessly dealt with them; and a sobered company left the door: heartily ashamed for once in their lives.” (To be Continued.)