THE CRIME OF CODDLING.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17014, 12 April 1923, Page 10

THE CRIME OF CODDLING.

Does there ever come a time in your lifo when you still leal that you want ;.(■ be a boy or a girl again and run i'o your mother for the security and comfort that onlv she knew how to give? i believe that the sternest philooplver feels like this a.t times, the m-ongest soldier, the most unbending \V»> ail find life too hard now and 'bmi. Some of us set our teeth and 'ght through the feeling. Some of us if down under it. It is to the latter :t«>j>lo I want to point out a lew tliiugi-. i'c.r the past twenty years there has heen an astonishing amount of research into the strange inner workings of men's brains. Dot tors were puzzled to find out why it was that the , most Times look to drink or other forms of dissipation. And the result of their study has shown that these people were, in childhood. those who most claimed a mothers lore and care.

AUhen a child, is hurt or unhappy he feels his hurt with an intensity that grown-ups very rarely realise. His world in von- small. One little disaster seems like the crashing of the universe to him. Exhausted by the pain, he rushes to his mother and the physical comfort of her arms around him, the mental peace of her kind, soothing words brings back a. sense of peace and comfort just like the comfort he knew when he wan a. tiny oaby. net yet tormented by thought. Some children are not so sensitive; they put up with things: they don’t feel them so acutely: one child can suffer, say, the loss of a beloved toy, the failure in an examination, without much damage, while another child is almost near to suicide for a moment or two. Tn later years- such people spend their whole lives in a sort of see.saw between attempting to do things out in the world among other people and rushing to someone or something for comfort from the hurts they have feredA ehild comforted by his mother is, lor the time being, token out of lum'•elf. He loses himself in the comfort she brings to him. In later life when be learn b by bitter experience that tlv* people on whom he relies are taliih!e: he goes about disappointed and . discouraged. Such a. man in Ihe end very often takes to drink. He is tormented because he finds the world so much less beautiful than lie expected. He is still mere tormented because lie finds him- ■ ell weak, unable to grapple with life. He knows that he hurts and disappoints his friends, but cannot sec how to avoid doing so liecausc lie lacks i quality and grit to take himself in hand. This is when ho flies to drink or drugs to drown his thoughts and win that, forgetful j>eace he remembers from babyhood. The more lie tries to cure himself of his weakness the more it takes hold of him because he drinks to forget his failures. In drink alone he finds peace for a time. To these people one can only urge that they should make a new start, realise that they must ‘‘put away childish things,” and tackle life as men and women, not weak children running for comfort to’ something outride themselves. But it is to mothers T particula.rly want to talk. I know from experience how tempting it i.s to “spoil"’ one’s children and how difficult it is to harden them. AVe like to protect tlmm from tlie harshness and difficulties of life; we love to comfort them when they are in pain. The mother who soothes and hushes her little one every time ho is hurt or unhappy, who tries to entertain him every time he is bored, little realises it. but she is paving the way for him to become helplessly nervy and weak in later life.

The wise mother makes her child brave enough to comfort himself. She makes him proud enough not to admit when others are down on him, bxave enough to so assert his personality as to win respect in his little world. She ! makes him self-reliant enough to I amuse himself with his own resources !if left to himself for a time. Many » i man goe-. to tlie dogs through borej dom, or because he funks facing life | and takes the line of least- resistance- | It' tlie mothers of this generation will { realise how, much depends cn their j wise treatment of their children there will be many fewer weak men and failures in the next generation. I j 1