SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16747, 31 May 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to send in original topical paragraphs or verses for this column, which is a daily feature of the •* star ” Accepted contributions should be cut out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable.

“ I’m not worrying about election prospects at present.” said Mr Massey on Saturday.

“Oh, why should I worry,” Said good Premier Bill, “ About the election*. Or popular will. They’ll not he upon us For six months or more; They’re not, to my thinking; Worth worrying for.

“ The railways are., losing The country much cash, And .this is all due to My policy rash. Yet why should I worry? Though great is the woe. Still my term of office Has six months to go.

“Oh. who cares for ballots Not I!” shouted Bill. “ I’ve never consulted The popular will. Away with elections! On them I’ll not fret; I’ve one consolation— I am Premier yet !’*

“ All is not gold that glitters." said Mr Bottomley. It has brought me nothing but guilt-.”

“By Jove, it’s colrl,” I s.aid to-day, as T sat on the car ; “ To find a sharper morn, I say you’d have to travel far. When I arose at six o’clock the milk was frozen o’er ; the right sure gave me quite a shock ; T knew it not before. The bathroom taps refuse to run. the tank is frozen too; to wash yourself is not much fun in ice that chills you through. I tell you, folks, that such a Bnap was never felt of old; the morning dews my fingers chap-, oh yes. I’ll say it’s cold.” My neighbour beamed upon me then ; his heard was white as snow; his years

were quite four score and ten —an ancient man, T know. “ My dear young man/’ he said to me, 1 ‘ be not I pray, too sure: for you the frosts I used to see, could simply not endure. They often used to start in May and run on till July ; and yet the skies were warm by day. and all the ground was dry. But- in the night—oh. spare the tale; great smoke, I shudder still, when I recall the night-fogs pale, that did the city fill. The frost, when

shades of evening fell, would have us in its hold ; oh. I could awful stories tell, of how we felt the cold. Then, even when we went to bed we’d almost freeze to death : and icicles around your head gather from your breath. Next morning, when you ventured out. you’d see a startling view ; for every little lake about was frozen three feet through. The sheep and cows were frozen hard, and widely did they die; sec through the land, in field and yard the stiffened corpse© lie. The trees were split from top to ground; the leaves and grass were black ; and everywhere and all around lay small birds on their back. Oh, that a winter was for sure, we really had frosts then; such things you could not now endure, you molly-coddled men.”

And, thinking o’er his words, T fear there’© truth in what he sad ; for, since I sit and shiver here- in those days I'd be dead.

A Papanui lady relates that her maid T>ut two hot water bottles in her bed. "When asked the reason why, she replied. “ Sure. mum. one of them was leakin’, and I didn’t know which, so I put them both in to make sure.” The difference between classic and Jazz music is the difference between antique and antic.

Henry Ford says that history is bunk, hut what will history say about Henry Ford ?

The bluebird no longer brings happiness. Nowadays it's the swallow.

The temperance reformer was justly proud of having converted the biggest drunkard in a little Scotch town, ana induced him—ho was the local gravedigger— to get on the platform and apeut his experiences. “My friends,” ho said, “ 1 never, never thocht to stand upon this platform with the provost on one side of me and the toon clerk on th ! ither side of me. I never thocht to tell ye that for n whole month «. haven’t touched a drap of aynthing- I’ve saved enough to buy me a braw oak coffin wi’ brass handles and brass nails—and if I’m a teetotaler for anither month T shall be wantin’ it!” “ Can a man be a Christian on £2 a week?” asks an exchange. He can. It’s too small a sum to be anything else on. Mr Massey states that part of his vaunted “ revenue surplus ” is contained in liquid securities. Yes, of course; that’s where the floating debt floats. T was walking down the street the other day, and I met Brown, who keeps the grocery store. Ho bet me thirty shillings that I could not carry a 101 b bag of salt around the corner and back, without laying it down. T accepted like a shot, grabbed the bag. and in full view of a grinning crowd of customers, carried it there and back, amid great excitement. “ You’ve lost." says Brown, as 1 slapped the bag down on the counter, smiling triumphantly. “ How so? ” I enquired. feeling rather foolish. “ Well,” says Brown, amid sniggers from the message boy. ‘ didn’t you just lay the hag down? ” T went home saving that Brown wouldn’t get another ounce of my custom. Matters came to n head when Airs Jones, our next door neighbour, came in to if we could lend her a bucket of coal. She said that she would send her hubby In to carry it home. Having a brain-wave. I assented graciously, and a few minutes after, in comes Air Jones. “ Hallo.” I began, “ I’ll tell you what. If you can carry half a sack of coal to our front gate and back, without laying it down. I’ll give you all the coal in the shed, and there is about half a ton in there now.’* Air Jones assented gladly, and sprung the sack to his shoulder. He did the trip in record time, arriving rather puffed. To my horror, instead of lay ine it down, ho went into the shed, and, seeing a convenient nail, hung iX up, and returned, smiling complacently. “ Shell out, o’d bean ! ” was all he sal -. That night the -Tonesc© worked overtime. All the family were out, transferring my coal before ray temper got the better of me. We watched them from the scullery window. Aly wife gave me one look. “ Oh, John ! ” was all she said. Music Enthusiast: Didn’t you think the barcarole the best thing at the musical afternoon? Mrs Nuriche: 1 didn’t take anv of the rolls, but I liked the fruit salad. ST NBA T>